


Helpless

by InsaneNerdGirl



Series: 9-1-1 Family Feels [1]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: (it's a 9-1-1 fanfic fam... that one was probably a given), But I tagged the romances, Canon Typical Violence, Fire Fam Feels, Hurt/Comfort, Minor Character Death, Tags will be updated, but it was too much, contains non-graphic descriptions of medical trauma, so "fire fam" it is, team as a family, y'all I tried tagging all the platonic ships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-30
Updated: 2020-08-11
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:00:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 19,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25001287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsaneNerdGirl/pseuds/InsaneNerdGirl
Summary: A first responder’s job is to help people. But what happens when it’s the first responder who feels helpless?What do they do when the “why” of a mystery takes a turn for the dangerous?How do they work through trauma they don’t even want to acknowledge?How do they respond when the mundane turns deadly for one of their own?/Completed story/
Relationships: 9-1-1 fire fam, Athena Grant/Bobby Nash, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Maddie Buckley/Howie "Chimney" Han, fire fam (9-1-1) - Relationship
Series: 9-1-1 Family Feels [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1907290
Comments: 16
Kudos: 99





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A lot of this story is made up of plot points/character arcs that I would love to see in season 4, and since we have to wait until 2021 to get next season, I decided to write it up myself. Featuring some (hopefully) new and unique 911 calls.
> 
> Beta'd by the fantastic boys-love-or-bust-19507

Bobby had never felt so helpless in his entire life. No… that was only half true. The only other time he had felt this helpless was when he had lost Marcy and Bobby Jr. and Brook. But at least then, their screams were only a product of his nightmares.

This was a different kind of helpless, rushing as fast as he could to Studio Self Storage, unable to switch the channel; unable to stop listening to Athena fighting for her life.

Then the gun went off, and the silence that followed was even worse. At least when he could hear her yelling in pain, he knew that she was alive. The silence could mean anything.

He didn’t even realize he was praying out loud, begging God to not take Athena from him, not yet. “I’m not strong enough,” he begged. “I can’t go through this again.”

He was in a haze as the truck pulled to a stop, and he went for the only weapon that was on a fire engine, an axe. He barely heard the officer tell him the building hadn’t been cleared as he charged in, hoping, praying, begging God for his wife to be safe.

“Over here! We found her!”

Bobby followed the voice, his head throbbing, his pulse racing; praying his fears were unfounded. In the dim light of the flashlights he saw Athena lying on the ground: bruised, bloodied, defeated. Surrounded by a pool of blood.

“There’s no pulse.”

Hen and Chimney rushed forward, lying Athena flat, giving her oxygen, doing chest compressions. Bobby couldn’t move, couldn’t speak. His feet were rooted to the ground. She had to be okay, she had to. God wouldn’t do this to him twice.

He felt someone gently take the axe out of his limp fingers. Buck’s face appeared through the haze in front of him. He was saying something to him, but Bobby couldn’t comprehend him; the officer’s horrifying words echoing in his ears with every beat of his heart. He sank to his knees, Athena’s face, still so beautiful, filling his vision.

“I’m sorry, Bobby…” Hen was stepping back. Why was she stepping back? She needed to save Athena. “We were too late.”

No, no, no, no no… they couldn’t be too late. Athena was going to crack open an eye and smile at him wryly any moment now.

Bobby crawled forward, taking her in his arms. “Athena?” he called gently. There was no answer. No sparkle in her eyes, no smile on her lips. “Athena?” he begged. “Athena please don’t.” She didn’t answer.

His scream broke the silence of the moment, a scream of agony, of loss, of suffering no one person should ever have to experience once, much less twice.

_“Bobby?”_

Bobby held her close, rocking her body back and forth, moving in time with his sobs.

_“Bobby? Bobby wake up!”_

Wasn’t losing Marcy and his children enough punishment? Wasn’t saving lives enough penance? Did he have to lose Athena too? Would God’s punishment never end?

_“Bobby! Come on, baby, you’re just dreaming. Come home to me!”_

Bobby woke up with a gasp, eyes wet with tears, pulse racing. “Athena?” he gasped.

She smiled at him in the light of their bedside lamp. “I’m right here, Bobby.” She promised. “I’m alive.” She bent down to kiss him. He pulled her close, instinctively being careful of her broken arm, even though the cast had been gone for almost two weeks now. He pressed another kiss to her forehead, savoring her warmth, listening to the steady beat of her heart, grateful for her presence. She was going back to work in the morning, but now he knew for sure that he wasn’t ready for it.

\---

“911, what’s the nature of your emergency?” Maddie would never tell anybody, but every time she answered the phone she silently hoped that it would end up being nothing. She loved helping people, she did, but it was never easy knowing that the person on the other end of the line needed that help.

“Hi, 911.” The voice was young. “Um… this might not be an emergency, but I didn’t know who else to call.”

“That’s okay. My name is Maddie, do you want to tell me your name and where you are? And then we can figure out how I can help you.”

“My name is Kylie, and… I think my best friend is missing.”

“Okay, Kylie, do you know how long she’s been gone?”

“I don’t know. She… she hasn’t been at school, but Mrs. Benton… that’s her mom… Amy Benton… said she was sick. But then she stopped answering my texts. And when I went to her house Mrs. Benton said that she hadn’t seen her.”

Josh came over to Maddie’s desk as the conversation went on, worry wrinkling his brow. “Her mom is crazy, Maddie! I’m worried she did something to Ellie and Jason.”

“Who’s Jason?”

“He’s Ellie’s little brother. Please send someone? Everything has been super weird and…” Kylie started crying. “Hey hey, it’s okay Kylie. I’m here… I’ll send someone over to Ellie’s house and we can figure out what’s going on.”

Kylie ended the call and Maddie turned to Josh. “Why are you worried? Isn’t this… well, not quite an emergency?”

“I don’t know Maddie,” Josh admitted. “But the name of the mom rings a bell. My instincts tell me this is bigger than just a missing kid.”

\---

Athena rang the doorbell of modestly sized house, appraising it silently with a critical eye. A child-sized bike was leaning against the wall on the wrap-around porch, and everything seemed normal. After a moment, she knocked on the door. “LAPD, is anybody home?” she called out. When once again there was no response, she walked along the porch, looking for any irregularities.

She sniffed the air, smelling smoke, and her pace quickened. She rounded the corner of the house with her phone in hand, ready to call 911 for a fire emergency, and found a middle-aged couple grilling hamburgers on an enormous outdoor grill.

“LAPD,” she called out, getting their attention. “I’m sorry to barge in, but we got a concerning call and I’d like to ask you two a few questions.”

“Oh no, come on over!” The woman said warmly, walking towards Athena. “My name is Amy. My fianc… husband and I are just enjoying the afternoon.” The husband nodded at Athena as he flipped another burger. “Officer,” he greeted.

“Do you two have any kids?” Athena asked.

“Well _we_ don’t,” laughed the Amy. But I do. They’re at my brother’s house… Frank and I just tied the knot this past week so they’re staying at my brother’s while we have a stay-at-home honeymoon together.”

“I see. Did your children plan on staying there for long?”

“Just for the week.”

“And was this sudden thing, or was it pre-planned?”

“I actually planned it as a surprise for her,” Frank said shyly, smiling tenderly at his wife. “She was always talking about how she just didn’t have time to plan anything, so I planned the whole thing, including getting the kids out of the house for a week.”

“And I absolutely loved it, baby.” Amy added going over to him and kissing his cheek.

“And do you have a way of contacting your kids if you need to?”

“Well Ellie’s got a cell, but Ben was talking about taking them out camping somewhere… mentioned they might not have service.”

“I see…” Athena watched the two for a moment, but they seemed to have forgotten her presence. “Well I’ll go ahead and get out of your way. Sorry for bothering you.”

“Not a problem!” Amy laughed.

“Why did you think you had to check up on us anyway?” asked Frank.

Athena shrugged. “We got a call that someone couldn’t get in contact with your daughter, but that camping trip seems to explain it.”

“Should we be concerned?”

“For the moment, I wouldn’t worry. If you know why your kids might not be answering their friend’s texts, everything is probably fine.”

“Thank you, officer.” Amy called, as Athena walked back to the front of the house.

Athena hesitated for a moment, but then shrugged and kept going to her car, reporting in to dispatch as she did.

\---

“911, what’s the nature of your emergency?”

“My brother! He fell into some sort of pit. There… there’s something growling down there!”

The 118 pulled up to a wooded area. A kid, Buck figured about 14 or 15 years old, was waiting in the clearing for them, anxiously dancing from one foot to the other. “Please, come quick! Jamie’s in trouble!”

“We’re coming,” Bobby reassured him. “Can you tell us your name?”

“I’m Jake, now please hurry!”

“We’re coming Jake.” Bobby put his hand comfortingly on Jake’s shoulder. The team grabbed their gear and followed Jake as he led them down a narrow path. After about five minutes of Jake’s half-running pace, he stopped short and pointed down a cliff on one side. “Jamie fell down there!”

Buck looked over the cliff edge, grabbing a tree for support. There were skid marks in the dirt, probably where Jamie slid down, ending in a dark opening in a rock formation. Low growls could be heard from inside.

“Okay Jake, can you tell me how old Jamie is?” Buck heard Bobby ask.

“Jamie’s eleven.”

“Whaddaya say, Cap? Should I climb down there? See what’s up?

“Hold up, Buck,” Bobby said before turning to the others. “Chim, Eddie, set up a line. We’re going to lower Buck down there.” Bobby turned back to Jake. “Has Jamie said anything since he fell?”

“No. Is he dead?”

“That’s not a long enough fall for that to happen. He might have hit his head, so we just need to be careful with him when we bring him up.” Bobby reassured him. Buck watched the two as he slipped into his harness, marveling at how well Bobby was reassuring the kid, and taking a mental note or two.

“All set up, Cap!” he heard Chim call out.

“Okay let’s go!”

Buck carefully walked his feet down the cliff, resting most of his weight against the line. “Jamie?” he called out. “We’re coming for you, buddy. Just hang on.”

He was about twelve feet away from the opening when he heard a voice. “Please… I’m scared. Please help me.”

“Jamie?” Buck called out. “Jamie I’m coming. I’m right here. Can you hear me? I’m coming Jamie!”

The growling grew louder, and Jamie started screaming. “He’s got my leg, he’s got my leg, please help!”

“Chim, lower me down faster!” Buck called up frantically. He needed to get to this kid, before whatever was growling did something terrible to him.

It was too slow. The kid was screaming down there and the few more minutes it would take for Buck to get to him on a line was more than he could take. With a mental wince at the lecture he knew he was going to get later, Buck grabbed his knife and cut the line, falling the final few feet.

“Jamie!” he yelled, peering into the dark hole. Jamie was clinging to a bit of projecting rock, trying to climb out, while something was growling and coming after him.

“Jamie, reach up and grab my hand!” Buck yelled.

“I’m scared. It’s got my leg!”

“Jamie, I promise you. I can help you. Just grab my hand.”

Jamie looked up at Buck, and a moment later flung his hand up into Buck’s. Buck pulled him as gently as he could. Jamie screamed, but a moment later his curly dark head popped out of the hole.

Buck rolled slightly downhill, grabbing for the line that by now had reached him again. Jamie’s leg was bloody.

“Cap, I got him!” Buck said into his radio. “He’s hurt, but he’s alive!” Before Bobby even had a chance to respond, a coyote sprang out of the den, snarling angrily.

“Uhh, Cap? Cap there’s a coyote down here!” Buck yelled. The wild dog was stalking closer, mouth foaming. Buck looked around, thinking fast. There was no way his team could pull him up before the dog was on them. He looked down where the cliff bottom was waiting 30 feet away and winced.  
  


“Okay Jamie, I’m going to get you out of here,” he promised, putting his helmet on the kid’s head. He wrapped himself around Jamie’s body before allowing himself to fall, doing his best to take the brunt of it.

“Buck? Buck!” Buck’s radio crackled just as he fell. He hadn’t realized it was still turned on… but it was too late to turn it off now. “Sorry, Cap!” he called as he began falling down the steep cliff.

It didn’t hurt that bad. He’s definitely got a few scrapes and several nice big bruises, but the coyote clearly didn’t want to follow them and Jamie was safe. It didn’t take the team long to tranq the dog and get down to where the two of them were lying on the ground: Buck too sore to move, and Jamie too terrified to stop clinging to his rescuer.

Eventually, a shadow fell over Buck’s face, and he looked up into Bobby’s furious eyes. “Heya, Cap!” he said with a mock salute, wincing slightly at the effort. “I saved the kid!”

\---

Bobby slammed the engine door shut with more force than Buck thought was strictly necessary. His head was killing him… apparently banging it a few times while falling down a cliff usually resulted in a headache… and the resulting bang made him wince.

“Buck, that was reckless and dangerous!” Bobby yelled. “Not only did you cut your line when we could have gotten you down there within another couple of minutes, but you put both your life and Jamie’s life at risk when you tumbled _the rest of the way down!”_

“I’m sorry Bobby, but…” Buck shrugged, “I had to do whatever I could to save Jamie. I wasn’t the important one in that situation.”

“That’s not the issue here! The issue is that you put yourself _and_ a kid at risk! You walked right into danger without thinking about it!” Bobby walked closer to Buck. “You didn’t pause to think about what might have happened to you! You didn’t take two seconds to think about what affect your rash actions would have on the people who could hear every single thing that was happening, but we couldn’t do anything about it!”

“Bobby, I…”

“I’m not finished, Buck! That little boy thought his brother was dead! We didn’t know what happened to you because you managed to break your damn radio on the way down! And all because you didn’t stop and THINK!”

“I’m sorry, Bobby.” Buck hesitated before continuing. “You’re not mad at just me, are you?”

Bobby stopped cold in his tracks, the anger suddenly fading from his face. “Just… just be careful next time, okay Buck?”

\---

Athena was sitting at home, a glass of wine in her hand, thinking over her first day back. Something about that missing kid report didn’t sit right with her. Her instincts had told her that something was wrong… but the mom had provided an explanation without any real prompting. And it’s not like her instincts were always right.

She took another sip of her drink, subconsciously rubbing at her recently healed arm, trying to dismiss the thought. There was no evidence of any foul play.

Her phone rang, and a smile crossed her face. On the nights when Bobby had to stay overnight over at the station, he always called her for a few minutes after dinner. She really needed to hear his voice tonight, get him to help clear out the cobwebs.

She picked up her phone and looked at the caller ID and her blood ran cold. It was Maddie.

She shook her head at her own reaction. Maddie probably was also missing her man and wanted to talk. That was all.

“Hello?”

“Athena, you need to go back to Amy Benton’s house!”

“Why, what’s wrong?”

“Josh said the name rang a bell and looked into it. Athena, you reported that she said her kids are staying with her brother, but her brother is _dead!”_


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A kid falling out of a tree? A baby found in unimaginable circumstances? The team is there to help every time.
> 
> It’s not fun, though, when it reminds them of their personal struggles.
> 
> Plus, those children are still missing, and the mystery of where they are isn’t getting any clearer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta'd once again by boys-love-or-bust-19507

“911, what’s your emergency?”

“Oh my god, Charlie fell out of a tree!”

There were a lot of things that just… didn’t bother Eddie. It’s not that he didn’t empathize with people. He just didn’t let it get in the way of his job. 

Kids getting hurt? That bothered him. Every time it was a kid who got hurt or who needed help, Eddie couldn’t help but think about Christopher. And right about now, he was glad that he would never have to worry about Chris trying to climb a tree.

They arrived at the foot of an enormous tree where a young kid was sprawled out while his frantic mother alternated between hovering over him and screaming into her phone. The kid was so pale he seemed to have bypassed white and gone all the way to gray.

“Ma’am, can you tell me what happened?”

Eddie was only half listening to Bobby, focused instead on checking the kid with Chim, but ready to tune back in if the mom said anything important.

“If I’ve told Charlie once I’ve told him a _thousand_ times that he shouldn’t be climbing that tree!” the mom screamed.

“Pupils equal and responsive,” Chim reported.

“When he fell I tried dragging him down to the house, but he screamed when I moved him and now he’s not talking to me at all.” The mom turned her ire towards Charlie. “If you’re doing this just to scare me I swear to god…”

Eddie didn’t even hear the rest of her rant as he exchanged a glance with Chim before leaping to his feet.

“You moved him?” he demanded.

“Yes of course! I was trying to get him to the car so I could drive him to the hospital!”

Eddie swore under his breath, kneeling down beside the kid. “Charlie? Charlie, can you wiggle your toes for me?”

Charlie groaned softly. “Come on, kid! Wiggle your toes!”

“I am…” slurred the kid.

The toes hadn’t moved.

“Definite spinal injury, possible concussion, fracture of the right arm,” Chim reported as he secured a brace around the kid’s neck.

“Charlie, how about your fingers? Can you wiggle your fingers?” Eddie was still focused on the kid. He felt a wave of relief when first one finger, then another, then another began wiggling.

“It looks like it’s an injury to the Sacral Nerves S1 and S5,” Eddie yelled. He leaped to his feet, rushing towards the mom. “Do you know what that means, lady?”

“Eddie…” Bobby warned gently, raising his hand in a quick gesture. Eddie ignored him. 

“That means that because you moved him, it’s going to be harder for doctors to do their jobs! It means that because of your idiocy, your kid might end up paralyzed for the rest of his life! And all you care about is making excuses for…”

“Eddie, that’s enough!” there was no room for argument in Bobby’s tone. 

Eddie turned away, already mentally kicking himself. The poor woman would face a lifetime of regret and self-recrimination anyway if her kid ended up in a wheelchair, and now he had just made it worse.

Kids getting hurt definitely bothered him.

\---

Athena closed the manilla folder, slamming it angrily against her desk. She _knew_ there was something wrong. She should have trusted her instinct! Not only were those kids not going camping with their uncle, but his death came under some shady circumstances. She pursed her lips angrily as she grabbed her car keys and headed out the door.

The entire drive back to the Benton house was filled with angry recrimination. One day back and she’s already making mistakes. One day back and a couple of kids might suffer for it.

She banged against the door, hoping against hope there was a mistake. Hoping that the missing teen or her brother would open it. Hoping that she hadn’t made a mistake. “LAPD, is anybody home?” she called out, banging again. “LAPD, open up!”

A moment later the door opened, and Amy Benton stepped out. “Yes officer, is there anything wrong?”

“I’m here about your children, Ellie and Jason.”

“Oh, you’re the officer who was here yesterday. Come on in… ?” her statement ended with a question.

“Sergeant Grant,” Athena said coldly. “Now remind me again where your children are?”

Amy frowned, at the very least giving a convincing performance as somebody confused. “They’re with their uncle while my husband and I have a honeymoon week. We told you this yesterday…”

“See I find that statement very interesting,” Athena said, “because it turns out your brother died two months ago! It’s a very interesting story, do you want to hear it? Turns out somebody fed him enough cyanide to kill a damn elephant.”

Amy started crying. “Stop it, stop it!” she yelled, covering her ears. The yell brought her husband to the door.

“Excuse me officer, but what is going on here?” he demanded.

“I want to know why your wife told me your kids are off with an uncle who’s been dead for two months! And I want to know where those damn kids are!”

Frank stepped out the door and closed it behind him. Athena took a step back, her heart racing, one hand resting on her gun. “Amy didn’t try to lie to you, officer,” he explained.

Athena narrowed her eyes, but took her hand off her gun, ignoring her still-racing heart.

“Amy took Ben’s death really hard. She’s… in denial that he’s gone. The kids are off camping, but they’re with my cousin. We’re trying to let her deal with Ben’s loss in her own way, and if that means pretending that’s where the kids are…” he hesitated slightly, “Well, we haven’t had the heart to tell her otherwise.”

“Umm hmmm?” Athena snorted. “And do you have some evidence for this brand new story that will convince me not to arrest both of you right now?”

“Yeah! My cousin has one of those special wilderness phones. Even if Ellie’s phone has no signal you should be able to call him.”

Frank gave Athena the number and she dialed it, not taking her eyes off him. The phone rang a few times before a muffled voice answered.

_“Yello?”_

“This is Sergeant Grant, LAPD. I’m calling about a suspected missing child. We heard it might have been a false alarm. Do you have any children with you?”

_“Who, Ellie and Jason? Yeah, I’ve got ‘em. Do you wanna talk to ‘em?”_

Athena’s gaze hardened as she maintained eye contact with Frank. “Yes, I do.”

Static echoed across the phone lines for a moment before a young female voice spoke. _“Hey, this is Ellie.”_

“Ellie, this is Sergeant Grant, LAPD. Are you and Jason okay?”

_“Sorry, you’re breaking up!”_

“Are you and Jason okay?”

_“We’re having a blast! Jason caught this enormous fish, and you’d think it was the whale that swallowed Jonah he’s so excited. Oh… you might not… Um, do you get that reference?”_

“I understand the reference,” Athena said drily. “You can hand the phone back now.”

Static crackled once again before the first voice returned. _“Everything okay, Sergeant?”_

Athena paused for a moment, staring at Frank until he shifted uncomfortably. “That seems to be the case. Sorry to bother you.”

She hung up the phone. “And I’m sorry to bother you, Mr. Benton.”

“Oh uh… my name is actually O’Connor. Benton was Amy’s name before we tied the knot.”

“Well, then I’m sorry to bother you… Mr. O’Connor.”

It’s no trouble at all. I’m just thrilled the police department is this thorough when it comes to missing kids. It’s something of a relief, actually!”

Athena pursed her lips briefly, biting back a response she didn’t have the evidence to say. “Have a nice day, Mr. O’Connor. You and your wife enjoy your honeymoon.”

She turned around and walked away, not even listening to his parting pleasantries. Her instincts were telling her that those kids were not safe, and this time she was listening to them.

\---

“Look, I give them credit for including a polyamorous relationship with one woman and two men, but there’s this little thing called chemistry that is _required_ for things like that to work in a movie.”

Maddie took another sip of her coffee to hide her laugh as Josh ranted.

“Honestly? The movie really wouldn’t be worthwhile, but it contains Harve Presnell singing They Call the Wind Maria so I just can’t bring myself to hate it.”

“But it sounds like you _do_ hate it,” Maddie laughed.

Josh glowered at her for a moment before continuing his rant. “Besides, who thought it was a good idea to put Clint Eastwood and Lee Marvin together as leads in a musical?” he demanded. “I’m telling you, Maddie, this movie is an affront to good musicals and good Westerns.”

“Well, I’ll make sure I add it to my list of movies I’ll probably never see.”

“Oh, that’s right. I keep forgetting you’re one of _those_ people.”

Maddie rolled her eyes affectionately. “Hey, Chim has actually been getting me into some movies. But I can’t help it if I like to imagine the visuals myself.”

“Yeah, yeah. I will still never understand how you have never binge-watched an entire tv show during a long weekend.”

“Self-respect?” Maddie offered; eyebrows raised innocently.

“I’d respond to that, but I need to get back to work,” Josh groused.

The two friends walked out of the breakroom together. To Maddie’s surprise, Athena walked onto the floor just as they did. If Maddie didn’t know better, she would have said Athena was on edge.

“Maddie, I need your help pinging a phone number.”

Athena’s voice had the faintest tremor in it. She was definitely on edge, no matter how much Maddie thought she knew better.

“Athena? Are you okay?”

“Do you think I’d be in here needing a phone pinged if everything was all right?” Athena demanded.

“Fair point,” Maddie shrugged. “What’s going on?”

Athena sighed, rubbing her hand along her forehead. “It’s those kids. I talked to the older one on the phone, but something felt off. I want to know if they’re still in the city.”

“Of course!”

While Maddie typed in the phone info she watched Athena out of the corner of her eye. She was cradling her right arm and rubbing it with her left. “Is your arm hurting you?” Maddie asked.

“What?”

“That’s the arm that got broken, right? Is it bothering you?”

Athena’s arms immediately snapped down to her sides. “No. I’m just cold.”

The reply was harsh, and Maddie didn’t want to push, so instead, she put her full attention on what she was doing.

“This… this can’t be right…” she murmured to herself.

“What is it?”

“This number? It’s coming from inside the Benton house.”

“So either the kids are home now,” Athena’s voice had that faint tremor in it again, “Or they were never off camping.”

Athena turned and walked away from Maddie without another word, unconsciously cradling her arm again.

“Athena, wait!” Maddie got up and ran over to her friend. “Is… is there anything I can do to help?”

Athena’s face softened. “You’ve already helped. Thank you, Maddie.”

\---

“911, what’s your emergency?”

“There’s a baby crying!”

“Sir, that’s not…”

“No, you don’t understand. It’s a kennel… or a menagerie… It’s a bunch of animals, but there’s a human baby crying!”

Bobby and his team pulled up to the two-story house. Police cars surrounded the area, and the yard was taped off. He approached one of the officers. “Bobby Nash, Captain 118,” he said, “We heard there was a baby?”

“Inside, Captain,” the officer said, pointing towards the house. “We’re still trying to get to him.”

Bobby gestured to his team and started for the door. “I’ll warn you, Captain,” the officer called out, “It’s not pretty in there!”

An officer walked past him, leading a man whose hands were cuffed. “If you take any of my animals away from me,” the man slurred angrily, “I’ll sue you. I’ll take everything from you.”

Bobby stepped through the door and almost gagged. The stench was overpowering.

“Oh dear god…” he heard Chim murmur behind him.

The house was stacked nearly floor to ceiling with filthy bug-covered cages. Emaciated dogs whimpered in piles of their own filth; mangy cats licked pathetically at their scab-covered bodies; dozens of mice, hamsters, and rats scurried about in cages. Not one animal looked well cared for, and most of them clearly hadn’t been let outside of their cages in months.

“There’s a kid in all this?” Chim asked. “Now I’m either glad Hen isn’t around or desperately wishing she was here to help.”

“LAFD!” Bobby called out. “We’re here about the kid?”

“Over here!” an officer called. “Assuming you mean the human and not the goats… we’ve almost got to him!”

Bobby and his team walked over to the officer who had called them, making their way through the maze. When Bobby saw the kid, he had to physically turn away for a moment, fighting the bile in his throat.

The child looked like he was around three. He was stuck in some sort of dog kennel without a scrap of fabric to keep him warm. Bugs were crawling all over him, and he gazed up at his rescuers with large mournful eyes. Two snakes were lounging over his kennel, tongues flicking out occasionally. 

Just as Bobby got there, the officer got the door open, and carefully reached in for the child.

“It’s okay, buddy. We’re not going to hurt you,” she said gently, picking him up. Bobby held out his arms for the kid, and she gently gave him to him.

“Okay, team… let’s get this kid outside and out of this place. We can do more for him out there than in here!” Bobby ordered.

The child reached out and gently clutched at his shirt as they made their way outside. As soon as they had space, Bobby handed the child to Chim and Eddie, who quickly began checking his vital signs. 

Bobby looked around and saw three men handcuffed and under guard, sitting in the shade of a nearby tree. One of them was the man who had threatened to sue the officer if his animals were taken away.

No word about the child. Just the animals.

Bobby saw red, and he stalked towards the men.

“Bobby!” Buck called out, grabbing Bobby’s arm. Bobby wrenched his arm out of Buck’s grasp and kept going.

“Are you three the ones who did this?” he demanded. “That child might _die!_ And you were worried about the animals that you were _also_ mistreating?”

He didn’t even realize his fists were clenched. 

“Captain, we’ve got this,” an officer said to him. Bobby ignored him.

“There are men and women who work and suffer and bleed and die to protect people, and you three were _deliberately_ abusing that child to an extreme! And you have the _gall_ to be worried your _animals_ might be taken away? Don’t you care about the kid, or did you forget he was in there?”

“Captain, please!” the officer was standing between Bobby and the three men now, hand on his taser.

“Ralphie’s our kid,” one of the men slurred. “We kin do with him what we want. We’re his guardians.”

Bobby rushed at the man, ignoring the officer standing between them.

“Bobby, stop!” Buck joined the officer in holding him back as he struggled to get to the man. “Bobby, this won’t fix anything! This won’t help anyone!”

“Who else did these maniacs hurt?” Bobby gritted out, not taking his eyes off the man’s bleary gaze. “What else have they done, out on the streets?”

“Bobby, stop it! This won’t protect her!”

Bobby stopped cold in his tracks and stared at Buck like he’d seen a ghost. “What?” he gasped.

“The police have them in custody. Going after them yourself won’t protect Athena!”

Bobby backed away, panting heavily.

“Cap, we need to transport the kid to the hospital!” Eddie called out.

Bobby turned toward him. He couldn’t see the kid… he was probably already in the ambulance.

“Let’s… let’s roll out…” he managed to call out while Buck led him to the engine. He didn’t say another word during the entire drive.

\---

Chimney lit the last candle on the table, and then adjusted one of the forks, making sure it was lined up perfectly. He’d taken the Chinese food out of the paper boxes and actually put them in dishes today. This date had to be perfect.

There was a knock on the door, and he opened it with a grin. “Hey, Maddie.”

“Hey, Chim!”

Maddie had never before looked so beautiful to Chim. Well except for the moment when she told him he was going to be a father. He kissed her in greeting before leading her to the table.

“Oooh, you went all out today!” Maddie grinned. “What’s the special occasion?”

“The occasion,” Chim said, pulling out a chair for her. “Is that we need to figure out how to tell everybody we’re expecting. I thought we could do one of those creative photo ops.”

Maddie choked on her glass of water, “Absolutely not!” she laughed. “Those things walk a fine line between cringy and tacky, and are rarely charming.”

Chim sat down in his own chair and began spooning some fried rice onto his plate. “Aw come on, it’ll be fun! We could even just do feet pictures, with an extra little pair of shoes!”

“Uh yeah, no… I don’t want a photoshoot of my feet.”

“Just shoes then?”

Maddie laughed, but the laugh was sad. Chim immediately put his fork down and grabbed her hand. “Or if you have a problem with the photoshoot idea, we can do something else.”

“No, it’s just… for years I never thought I could ever be happy, much less _this_ happy. And I don’t think there’s a way I can share it with the world that reflects that.”

Chim nodded. “Should we just break it at family dinner at the station, then?”

“Hen might just kill you if she’s not the first to find out.”

“Yeah, well that’s her fault for abandoning me to go become a doctor.”

Chim hesitated for a moment, thinking back over the events of the day. “To be honest? I’m not sure a family dinner announcement is the right thing right now either.”

“Why, is something wrong?”

“Honestly?” Chim laughed. “I don’t know. This is the point where Hen would usually come in and tell us all how to make everything better, but… I don’t know.” Chim looked down at his food, picking at it with his fork.

“Does it have something to do with Bobby?”

Chim looked up, surprised. “How did you know?”

“Athena came by dispatch today, and I’ve never seen her more on edge. And normally with Athena and Bobby, if one of them is on edge the other is too.”

Chim shook his head. “Bobby almost attacked a man today. He seemed… desperate. He wanted to keep dangerous people off the streets.”

“Well, maybe our announcement will help him clear his head? Get him focused on something else?”

Chim laughed. “You really want to do the family dinner announcement, don’t you?”

“Honestly? I just want to be there when everybody ribs Buck after I call him ‘Uncle Buck’ for the first time.”

\---

Eddie watched as Christopher ate his dinner, deep in thought. He couldn’t get the kid, Charlie, out of his head. That mother should have known better! But maybe he should have known better too… if he had made a mistake and some stranger had done what he did…

“Daaaaaaaddd?”

Eddie shook himself out of his reverie. “What is, Chris?”

“You were staring at me.”

“Was I little man?”

“Yes. _And_ you weren’t listening. That’s not polite.”

“Sorry, Chris.”

“Abuela says you have no respect… you think about big important things and forget the little important things.”

Eddie laughed. “Your Abuela is a very wise woman, and you should listen to her.”

“Do you think you’ll ever be as wise as Abuela?” Christopher was trying to smile innocently.

Eddie laughed. “You’re a little rascal, you know that?”

“Yes!”

Eddie watched as Christopher carefully chased down the last few peas on his plate with his fork. His kid was amazing, in spite of everything. Maybe Charlie would be okay too.

“I love you, Chris; did you know that?”

“Yes.” Christopher nodded. “But I would know it more if we could have ice cream.” He grinned up at Eddie.

“You’re still a rascal!”

\---

Bobby stood, almost rooted to the spot, across the street from a bar. It would be so easy… so easy to drown out his worries for Athena in there.

If he could just pretend for a couple of hours that she’d never been hurt, that he hadn’t thought she was dead, that he wasn’t scared to death that she was back doing the same job that almost got her killed…

He shook himself out of his reverie when his phone rang. It was Athena.

_“Bobby, are you almost home? Dinner will be ready soon. Plus, it’s getting real lonely in this big house all by myself.”_

“I’m comin’, babe. I…”

Bobby hesitated. He could lie… could say that he’d been kept late at work… could say he was stopping at the grocery store. 

“I’ll be home soon. I’ll tell you why I’m late when I get there.”

_“Okay, I’ll see you soon.”_

“I love you.”

_“Love you too.”_

—-

Dinner had only been ready for a few minutes when Bobby walked in. He looked exhausted, tense.

“Are you okay, Bobby?”

“Athena, I’m just going to come right out and say it.”

Athena sat down on the couch. “I’m listening.”

“If you hadn’t called me when you did… well, I was this close to going out and getting drunk. I just wanted my world to be simple again.”

Athena reached out and took his hands, guiding him to sit next to her, but didn’t respond.

“I’ve been so afraid for you… now that you’re back at work. Every time dispatch sends us somewhere, I’m afraid you’re the one who got hurt.”

Athena looked down; her emotions conflicted.

“Every time we save someone, my first thought isn’t about them, or how we can help them.” His eyes grew wet with tears. “It’s about whether whoever did something awful is out on the streets because that’s where you are.”

Athena swallowed her emotions, fighting back her own tears. She leaned in, resting her forehead against his.

“I’m not strong enough,” Bobby whispered. “I couldn’t handle losing you.”

Athena unclasped one hand from his and tenderly brushed up Bobby’s jawline, cupping his face gently. “I’m right here, Bobby. I’m okay… I survived.”

She bit back another wave of emotions. She wasn’t ready to deal with her feelings yet. “What happened was… a freak accident. If even one thing that day had been different…”

“You would have died!”

“No, Bobby.” She closed her eyes, feeling his warmth, embracing the sense of calm it brought to her. “It only happened because everything went wrong. That’s not likely to happen again.”

She felt him nod. “Just… please promise… promise you’ll always come home to me.”

She shouldn’t answer that… she couldn’t; not really.

“I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up next: 
> 
> “911, what’s your emergency?”
> 
> “Oh my God, I think they’re dead!”
> 
> \-----  
> The first person who can guess what movie Josh is ranting about gets internet cookies


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A careless driver impacts lives in a tragic way, and the team is there to help as best they can, even when things get personal.
> 
> Plus, the mystery of the missing kids takes a turn for the dangerous

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta'd once again by the fantastic boys-love-or-bust-19507
> 
> Please pay attention to the updated tags. I don't mess around when I add the major character death tag.

“911, what’s your emergency?”

“Oh my God, I think they’re dead!”

\-------------------------------------

Five minutes before the crash

\-------------------------------------

Matt yawned as he drove down the road. He wasn’t actually tired. Just… bored. His life was boring, his girlfriend was boring, his job was boring. Especially the job. He would rather be doing just about _anything_ other than driving this bus around.

He looked out the window to the right and did a double take. Some dude was driving with a smokin’ hot babe in the convertible next to him, and he was stroking her legs as he drove – driving her skirt up a little more with every brush of his fingers.

Matt shifted in his seat, still keeping half an eye on the road ahead, watching the spectacle. The girl was clearly enjoying herself, laughing and giggling. The skirt rode up a little higher.

Matt licked his lips, leaning over as far as he could, trying to get a better glimpse. He didn’t notice the light ahead of him was red. Not until a horn started blaring at him.

Time seemed to slow. He swerved to avoid the cross-traffic, and his bus tipped slightly, driving on the left wheels only. He was losing control. He spun the steering wheel, trying to regain control. Instead, the bus went right over the edge of the overpass.

Funny how short your life seems when it’s flashing before your eyes.

\-------------------------------------

Two hours before the crash

\-------------------------------------

Tara couldn’t stop trembling. Vincent had left an hour ago, and she was still almost too afraid to move. The bruises on her face were throbbing, and she was pretty sure her fingers on her left hand were broken.

With a sob, she dragged herself to a sitting position, looking around at the shattered glass and spilled wine all around her. She needed to get that cleaned up. If she didn’t, Vincent would be angry. He would take it out on her.

She raised a shaking hand to her forehead, staring at the blood that came away blankly. This was her life now: brief moments of overwhelming happiness and love, interspersed with almost constant terror and pain.

“No…” she whispered aloud.

“No!” she said louder, gathering strength from her own words.

“You don’t own me,” the tears streaming down her face stung the cut on her cheek. She embraced it. “You don’t get to hurt me anymore. I don’t have to forgive you!”

Tara stumbled over to her purse, searching through it with trembling fingers, before finding the phone. She swiped through her contacts before finding the one she was looking for.

_“Tara?”_

“Maddie please… I need help. I need help getting out.”

\---

Chimney stepped carefully through the wreckage of the bus, hoping against hope that at least some of the passengers on the bus had survived. The driver had not, but maybe…

A blonde woman was lying on the ground, bleeding profusely from her carotid artery. She was weakly holding her head scarf against the wound, but was losing consciousness quickly.

“Hey, ma’am,” Chim said gently. “Let me help you with that.”

He firmly pressed some gauze against the wound, while his new partner, Jake, busied himself checking for vitals. “You’re going to be okay…” the woman turned her head and Chim got a better look at her face. “Tara?”

“You… you’re Maddie’s boyfriend…” Tara slurred.

“She was…” her eyes drooped closed, “helping me. I was… getting out.”

“Hen, I’m losing her!” Chim yelled. “Tara? Tara come on. Tara you’ve got to hold on.”

“Tell Maddie… tell her I was getting out. She… was right…”

She was slipping away, and he couldn’t save her. Why wasn’t Hen pulling her acts of magical desperation on the situation? Whenever things were helpless she stepped in and _willed_ the person to live.

“Chimney, we’ve lost her.”

Oh… that’s why. He didn’t have Hen. He had Jake. Jake was a good guy, and he was good at what he did. But Hen could have saved Tara. Hen could have defeated all the odds, willed her to live, and saved her. Jake couldn’t do that.

And now he would have to tell Maddie.

\---

Maddie was sitting in the corner of a coffee shop, waiting for Tara to walk in, battling her conflicting emotions.

She wanted to believe Tara. She did… but she knew the horrible pull that can draw a woman back to an abuser. She knew how easy it was to lie to yourself, and Tara had asked for help once before. But this time Tara had said she wanted help _getting out_. Maybe she had finally gotten to the point where Maddie could help her.

But it had been over an hour, and Tara hadn’t shown up. That didn’t really matter though. Maddie would wait here all damn day if she had to. If Tara was going to show up, Maddie would be here.

Her phone rang, and she looked at the caller ID. It was Chim… in spite of herself a smile crossed her face. She brushed her hair out of the way and answered.

“Hey, Chimney.”

_“Maddie…”_

Chimney was hesitating. A wave of dread fell over Maddie. “Oh God… is everything okay? Is Buck alright? Did something happen to him?” she demanded, already packing up her things.

_“No, no… Buck is just fine.”_

“Then what is it?”

_“It’s…”_ she heard him sigh at the other end of the line. _“It’s your friend, Tara. She’s… she’s dead Maddie.”_

Maddie fell back into her chair, her legs suddenly not able to hold her up.

“What?” she whispered. She should have known Tara’s husband would find out she was trying to leave. Abusers were all the same, ‘stay with me or die’. She should have gone over to her house, helped her escape, not listened to Tara’s insistence they meet somewhere else.

Chim was still talking, but she barely heard him through the fog surrounding her. She should have known better, should have done something different.

_“Maddie?”_

Tara was so close… so close to escaping. And her husband killed her for it.

_“Maddie!”_

Maddie jumped, remembering Chim was still on the phone. “Sorry, Chimney.”

_“Are you okay?”_

Tears gathered in her eyes. “No,” she admitted. “I should have known her husband would kill her for leaving, I…”

_“Maddie, no! You’re wrong!”_

“What?”

_“Tara was getting out. But… the bus she was on… it crashed. She didn’t make it. But she got out, Maddie. She got out.”_

Maddie nodded through her tears. It didn’t feel like enough. Tara deserved to get out _and be free!_ Tara deserved better than to die in a traffic accident.

_“Are you okay, Maddie?”_

She swallowed. “No… no, I’m not. Her husband didn’t kill her, but he might as well have!”

_“She wanted me to tell you that she got out. She got out, Maddie. She was happy, even if only for a moment.”_

“Thanks, Chim,” Maddie whispered.

\------------------------

One hour before the crash

\------------------------

“Mama, why do you gotta go?”

Penny put her hands on her hips, looking down at Billy with mock consternation. “Why you askin’ a silly thing like that?” she demanded.

“Because you didn’t give me my giant hug yet” Billy grinned.

“Oh, you mama’s boy, you” Penny laughed, crushing him in a hug while he squealed. “Now you be good for your sister while I’m at work, you hear?”

“Diana is bossy, though!” Billy whined.

“I am not!” Diana yelled from the kitchen table.

“Yes, you are!”

“Kids, kids!” Penny laughed.

“Mama, can’t you get someone else to watch over Billy?” Diana asked, looking up from her books. “I want to go out with my friends.”

“Baby, you know we can’t afford that.”

Diana huffed, slouching down over the kitchen table again.

“Next week baby, I promise. That’s the week I’m not pulling double shifts.”

“Fine,” Diana grumbled.

Penny walked over to her daughter and put her hand under her chin, gently lifting her face. “I know it’s hard baby. But we all have to make sacrifices.”

“I know,” Diana sighed. “Doesn’t mean I have to like it.”

Penny laughed and brushed a kiss to her forehead. “It won’t be like this forever, I promise.

“Mama!” Billy yelled. “I want some more hugs before you have to leave!”

“Well then come get some more hugs!” Penny turned from Diana and swung Billy up into her arms, hugging him tightly.

“How long will I love you?” she asked.

“Forever and ever and back again!” Billy squealed.

“That’s right. Now I gotta go or I’ll be late for work!”

\---

Eddie knelt down beside the woman while Buck examined the damage. Part of the wall of the bus had caved in, the jagged metal stabbing into her side, pinning her in place.

“Hey, my name is Eddie,” he said while carefully putting a neck brace around her. “Can you tell me your name?

“Penny…” the woman gasped out. “Oh God, am I going to die?”

“Stay calm, Penny, we’re going to get you out of here.”

Bobby had joined Buck, and the two were discussing how best to get Penny free. The metal that was killing her was also the only thing keeping her alive.

“Heartbeat is still strong,” Eddie reported up to his teammates.

“Eddie… Eddie,” Penny’s voice was faint. “Eddie, I have two kids. My babies. Please, they need to be safe.”

“Are they on the bus?” Eddie looked around, alarmed. They hadn’t seen any kids when they arrived.

Penny coughed, blood staining her lips.

“Cap, she’s got blood in the lungs! We need to get her out of here _fast!_ ” Eddie yelled.

“Please…” Penny murmured.

“You gotta stay with me, Penny!”

“Promise me… promise you’ll make sure my babies are safe. Make sure they have someone to take care of them.”

Penny was losing consciousness.

“I promise, Penny, but you have to keep talking.” Eddie barely noticed the work Buck and Bobby were doing to get Penny unpinned, focusing completely on keeping her alive. “Tell me about your kids. What are their names?”

“Diana, she’s almost eighteen. But Billy,” Penny started coughing, her eyes filling with tears. “My little Billy is only nine. I’m all they’ve got left in the world.”

Eddie busied himself pressing a gauze against the gashes in her side. “And they’re still going to have you, I promise!” His heart panged. “Listen, I have a nine-year-old kid too. And every day I make a promise that I’m going to come home to him. And now I’m going to make you that same promise.”

“Okay, we’ve got her free. Let’s get her up on the stretcher!” Bobby called out.

“You are getting home to your kids.” Eddie firmly kept pressure against her injuries as they lifted her onto the stretcher.

“Get someone… to take care of them,” Penny whispered as she was loaded onto the ambulance.

“You can do that yourself.”

The ambulance doors closed and Eddie drew a deep sigh.

“You okay, Eddie?” he heard Buck ask.

It took him a second to respond, still reeling from the fear in Penny’s eyes. “Yeah… yeah I’m okay.”

He looked over at Buck and shrugged. “That one just… hit a little close to home, that’s all.”

“She’s going to make it though, right?”

Eddie nodded. “Yeah,” he whispered. “ _Her_ kid gets to see his mom again.”

\---

Athena banged on the Benton/O’Connor door, heart racing, hands trembling. If she had failed those kids… if she had made a mistake and those kids paid for it…

The door opened, and Amy looked out. “You again?” she seemed upset. To be fair, Athena probably would be too.

“Ma’am, there are some inconsistencies with the stories I have been told. I would like to ask you a few questions.”

“You’ve already asked all your questions,” Amy said stepping out onto the porch, leaving the door open behind her. “What more could you want to know?”

“For one, I want an explanation for why my conversation with your daughter sounded suspiciously like a recording.”

Amy stepped closer to her, and Athena took a step back, pushing aside her cardigan to rest her hand on her gun. “I want an explanation for why I got told two different stories about where your kids are, and I am _not_ buying the story that you are in denial about your brother’s death.”

Amy’s face grew dark. “Ben didn’t die!!”

“And I want to know why he died of mysterious circumstances within _days_ of the same thing happening to your ex-husband.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about!” Amy cried.

Athena heart was pounding, her rage and fear and self-recrimination all battling within her. “Then tell me,” she demanded. “What happened to those kids? What happened to your brother, and your ex-husband?”

“I tried to save them,” Amy sobbed. “I did everything I could; everything I had to!”

“What did you do?” her heartbeat was hammering in her ears, blocking out everything but her single-minded fixation on this woman.

“It wasn’t my fault that happened to them!”

“It wasn’t your fault that _what_ happened?”

If Amy had an answer, Athena didn’t hear it. All she heard was a quick footstep behind her, and then a spiking pain as something shattered against the back of her head. The wooden deck rose up to meet her as the world crashed into darkness.

\---------------------------------------------------

Thirty minutes before the crash

\---------------------------------------------------

“Come on mom, I’m going to change the world!”

“That doesn’t mean you don’t have to clean your room before heading out today.”

Milo rolled his eyes before falling backwards into his bed. “But I’m just too exhausted to do anything!” He reclined upward and grinned at his mom, who was laughing at his antics.

“You could at least throw away all the acceptance letters to the schools you’re not going to,” his mom scolded, walking into his room and gathering up several open envelopes.

“You mean you don’t want those for nostalgia? Who are you, and what have you done with my mom?” Milo demanded, immediately jumping up and picking up the rest of the scattered papers. “I thought for sure you would be the one begging me to keep them.” He looked up at her and said in his best high-pitched mimicry of his mom’s voice, “My baby boy is leaving me, so I’m gonna need something to remember him by!”

His mom swatted his shoulder playfully. “I promise, I want more than a discarded piece of paper to remember you by.”

Milo’s mom left and he quickly began stuffing discarded papers in various drawers and shoving dirty laundry into a basket before pulling on his sneakers and running for the door.

“I’m heading out now, mom!” he called. “See you in a few hours!”

\---

Buck stood in front of his open locker at the station, staring down at his hands. This was the part of the job he didn’t like. He was here to save lives, and when there was nothing to be done…

He slammed his locker shut and headed back to the bathrooms again. He’d washed the blood on his hands off, but they still felt stained.

His hands were raw from how hard he was scrubbing when Eddie walked in. “You okay, Buck?”

Buck scowled, not wanting to talk. “I’m fine.”

“Then why are you scrubbing your hands as if you think we’re in the middle of a pandemic?”

“Bobby told you to come talk, didn’t he?” Buck demanded, shutting off the faucet.

“He noticed you were upset; figured you needed a friend.”

Buck flick-dried his hands as he turned around, leaning against the counter. “Why do we do this job, Eddie?”

Eddie tilted his head in mock confusion. “I’m pretty sure it’s to save lives.”

“Well then _why,_ ” Buck slammed his fist against the wall, “can’t we save them all? What is the _point_ of this job if we still let people die!”

“The point is for the people left behind, Buck.” Buck looked up; Eddie seemed to be trying to articulate a difficult emotion. “We want to be able to tell the loved ones left behind that we were there. That their spouse, child, sibling… that whoever it was didn’t die alone.”

Buck crossed his arms, trying to fold himself smaller. “That kid today died alone.”

Eddie crossed the room and put his hands on Buck’s shoulders. Buck considered shoving him off, but then decided against it. “ _You_ were there Buck, even if only for a second.”

“He was so young, though,” Buck whispered. “He looked like he was barely out of high school, and judging by that MIT T-shirt he died in, he had big plans for his future.”

Eddie crossed his own arms and leaned against the counter next to Buck, but kept silent.

“That kid had his whole life ahead of him, and I couldn’t help him get to it.” Buck hesitated, wondering how to say what he was feeling. Eddie still didn’t talk, and Buck appreciated the space to let him think out his emotions.

“I love my job,” he said finally. “I really do. It’s all that I am. But if I’m not saving lives, I’m nothing. I have nobody to go home to, so if I can’t get somebody to _his_ home…” he trailed off.

“You feel as if there’s no point to you being there?”

Buck nodded. “Sometimes I wonder if I should have more to my life other than my job.”

“Well, that’s never a bad thing.”

Buck frowned over at Eddie.

“Hey, I’m not making light. I’m making a point.”

“Well what’s your point?” Buck demanded.

Eddie turned to face Buck fully again. “Do you seriously not see it?”

“See what?” Buck was starting to get frustrated.

“You have so much in your life, and even if it’s all connected to the job that doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist! You have Maddie and Chim, Bobby and Athena, Hen and Karen, and you have Chris and me. We would love you and want you around even if you _weren’t_ a firefighter.”

Buck swallowed back a wave of unexpected emotions.

“Even if you have nobody to go home to in your literal apartment, you still have a family.” Eddie promised.

Buck nodded, tears coming to his eyes. “Thanks, Eddie.”

“Now let’s get upstairs,” Eddie said, clasping his shoulder. “Family dinner’s almost ready.”

\---

Bobby smiled across the table at his team as they dug into dinner. If his greatest source of happiness was in holding Athena in his arms, then sitting at this table with these people was his greatest source of content. Maddie had joined them today, and Athena was expected to arrive within the next half hour.

It had been a hard day, but his team had pulled together, and the monsters of the night before seemed like a distant memory, replaced by a night of sweet ecstasy with his beautiful wife.

Chim stood up, clanking his fork against his water cup. “Before we begin,” he said, reaching down and grabbing Maddie’s hand. “Maddie and I want to make an announcement.”

Bobby glanced over at Maddie, and his heart swelled. He was pretty sure he knew what the announcement was. He’d seen it coming for weeks.

“Maddie and I are…”

Before Chim could finish his sentence, Maddie interrupted him. “Hey Uncle Buck, could you pass me the salt?”

Buck started reaching for the salt, then stopped halfway. Bobby laughed as he saw the words register. “Un… Uncle Buck?” Buck stuttered out.

“… are expecting a baby,” Chim finished, as if the interruption hadn’t happened, grinning down at Maddie.

Bobby was the first out of his chair to shake Chim’s hand. “Congratulations, you two!” he said warmly, squeezing Maddie’s shoulder fondly. “You’ll make wonderful parents.”

The rest of the team was on their feet, patting Chim’s shoulders heartily and hugging Maddie. Buck was still sitting in his chair.

“You okay there, Buck?” Bobby called out to him.

Buck glanced up, a slow grin spreading across his face. “Actually, it’s Uncle Buck, now!” he crowed, finally leaping to his feet. “C’mere, Maddie!” he yelled, pulling his sister into a hug.

Bobby couldn’t stop smiling, watching them celebrate. His phone rang and he pulled it out, stepping slightly away from the shouting and celebrating to answer it.

“Hello, this is Bobby!”

_“Bobby, it’s Elaine. I’m sorry to tell you this over the phone, but I didn’t want to waste any time.”_

A wave of uncertainty washed over Bobby, but he brushed it aside. “Of course… is everything okay?”

_“Bobby… Athena hasn’t checked in.”_

Bobby went still, his blood running cold. “What?” he choked out. He wasn’t sure if the celebration had suddenly stopped, or if he just couldn’t hear them anymore as all his fears came flooding back.

_“She’s been on a missing children case and today she got a warrant to search their house. She… she hasn’t been seen since, Bobby.”_

This couldn’t be happening. There had to be some mistake. “Are… are you sure?” Bobby demanded. “Did you go to the house she was searching? Maybe she’s still there!”

_“Of course, we went there! The house was cleared out, whoever lived there left in a hurry, and there was no sign of Athena.”_

Bobby swallowed, trying to process the information. He knew Athena shouldn’t have pushed to go back to work this early. He _knew_ it was too dangerous!

_“We did find her car parked a few blocks away, but that’s it.”_

He had no words. A few moments ago, everything had been fine, and now he was in the middle of one of his nightmares.

_“Bobby, are you okay?”_

“Do… do you have any leads? Any idea where she is?” he asked hoarsely.

_“We’re working on it. We’ll get her home to you.”_

His phone dropped from senseless fingers. This could _not_ be happening again. If not for that announcement, he would be trying to wake up, convinced he would momentarily find himself in bed wrapped in Athena’s arms. Funny how it’s the joyful thing that is making the horror of his present moment feel so real.

“Bobby? Is everything okay?”

Bobby turned toward his team, mind still reeling. “I… I have to call Michael…” he forced out.

“What happened?”

“Athena…” no he couldn’t say it. If he said it, it made it true. But it was true. No amount of prayer to God would make it stop being true.

“Athena’s missing.”

\---

“So, how are you and Darius going to do the long-distance dating thing?” Georgina asked, taking the last bite of her food.

May shrugged. “We aren’t sure,” she confessed. “We’re going to try to make it work, but we’ll both understand if it doesn’t.”

“Ugh, mall food court food is the worst,” Georgina complained, pushing the paper bowl away. “It’s too expensive, and the portions are too small.”

“Yeah, but it’s worth it to get AC between every store we shop in,” May laughed, lifting her Styrofoam cup. Georgina laughed too and clanked her cup against May’s.

“To AC!” she laughed.

May was sipping the last of her water through her straw when she heard Georgina gasp. “May, get down!”

Half falling, half jumping, May followed Georgina’s instructions to get on the floor just as a gunshot rang out. She felt a sharp pain as she fell.

Screams began echoing through the mall food court as more gunshots rang through the air.

“Oh my god, May!” Georgina was screaming too. May rolled over, feeling chilly.

“May, you’ve been shot!”

Oh. That’s what that was.

\---

“911, what’s your emergency?”

“Oh my god, he has a gun!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another, even more obscure movie reference in this chapter. Internet cookies to whoever can guess which 90s movies gets the reference.
> 
> And shoutout to Nightbyrd3 for correctly guessing the movie Josh was ranting about in chapter 2


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Athena is missing and May has been shot.
> 
> Today couldn’t possibly get any worse for the fire fam… … … Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta'd by perfectlynervousbeard
> 
> I'm sorry, guys... but I promise you this chapter hurt me more than it hurts you.
> 
> Also, there is canon-typical violence in this chapter, but it's on the more violent end of that. The show still gets worse than this, but I wanted to get you fair warning.

Athena awoke with a soft groan. Her aching head was resting in the corner of whatever wall she was leaning up against, and she felt the warmth of sun-bathed metal against her bare shoulders. It might have been pleasant in a cooler environment, but it was hot, unbearably hot; so hot it was hard to breathe. She tried lifting a hand to her throbbing head and stopped in confusion when it wouldn’t move. She frowned and gave an experimental pull, and her eyes flew open when she felt the unmistakable tug of handcuffs; everything coming back to her.

She was sitting in the corner of a shipping container, her hands cuffed behind her back and a gag tied around her mouth. The red light of a camera blinked at her from the other end of the container. She was being watched.

She shifted again with another groan, trying to assess her situation, and fought against a wave of dizziness at the movement. That was definitely a concussion then, but nothing else seemed to be broken. She tugged against her cuffs experimentally and was disappointed to find them bolted to the wall. So much for a quick escape.

It wasn’t long before she heard the bolt on the container door unlock, and the door creaked open. Frank and Amy walked in, each carrying a lawn chair. Athena glared daggers at them, doing her best not to show the fear that ran through her.

“I don’t know, Frank,” Amy said tearfully as she set up her chair. “She’s acting just like one. I don’t want to risk it.”

Frank sat down in his own chair, staring pensively at Athena. “She’s clever, though. Cleverer than the children were.”

Athena swallowed hard. What were they talking about?

“But she’s so single-minded,” Amy’s voice grew terrified. “Is it possible the zombies can evolve, reach different goals?”

Athena’s horror grew. These people were insane! Her mind reeling, Athena began struggling, grunting against her gag, hoping they would take it off. Maybe, just maybe, if she got the chance to talk, she could reason with them.

“I just don’t think we should kill her until we know for sure,” Frank was saying.

Athena struggled harder, trembling with fear and desperation. She couldn’t die at the hands of these maniacs; she _couldn’t_.

“Well, zombies never stop bleeding,” Amy said slowly, as if considering her options. “We can use that to test if she is one.”

“Yes, that’s a good plan!”

Athena went cold, praying she had heard them wrong, praying for this to be a nightmare. She rubbed the gag against her shoulders, trying to force it off.

“I brought a knife, just in case,” Amy said, pulling out a chef’s knife. “We can use it to test that.”

Athena tensed as Frank took the knife, praying they weren’t so far gone that they would accidentally kill her while conducting their ‘test’. Praying it wouldn’t be too extreme.

“Don’t let her bite you!” Amy called out fearfully as Frank approached Athena.

“Don’t worry, hon. I’m being careful.”

Athena closed her eyes as he walked closer, tensing up for whatever was coming. Whatever he was about to do to her, she couldn’t bring herself to watch it.

_“Oh Lord Jesus, help me bear this…”_

The knife stabbed into her below her collarbone, and she bit down on the gag, struggling not to scream. At least it wasn’t immediately fatal; she still might have the chance to escape. The knife twisted inside her, and not even the gag could keep the agonized whimper from escaping her each time the knife moved. One twist… two… three… four…

She couldn’t see, couldn’t hear, couldn’t breathe. All that existed was that damn knife.

“There, that should be good.” Frank’s words seemed to be coming from a distance as the knife was pulled out, leaving her gasping. “We should give it a few hours. If she’s still bleeding by tomorrow, we’ll know that she is one, and we'll have to cut her head off.”

Pain clouded her senses, dulling everything except for the white-hot agony where the knife had been. Hot blood poured from the wound. Athena struggled to remain conscious as the two exited the shipping container, swinging the door shut behind them.

She had to stay awake; had to figure out how to get out of there; had to escape. She had to get home to Bobby, to her children, her family. Bobby wouldn’t be able to handle being widowed again; her kids still needed their mom.

She struggled against the wave of darkness pulling at the edge of her vision. If she didn’t escape soon, she was done for; she would never see her family again. She would either bleed to death, or those maniacs were going to come back and kill her.

No amount of reasoning could stop the darkness from slipping over her once again.

\---

“May, get down!” Georgina yelled, jumping under the table just as the man fired off his first shot. May followed her under a second later, landing with a sharp gasp. Georgina reached out and grabbed May’s hand, squeezing it in terror.

May didn’t squeeze back. Georgina looked over, and her heart started pounding in her chest. May was bleeding, the blood already pooling underneath her.

“Oh my god, May! You’ve been shot!”

May rolled over, head lolling slightly, her eyes dazed. “Oh god, oh god, oh god,” Georgina panted, “May, please be okay?” she begged, shaking May’s shoulder as the commotion continued overhead.

May blinked at her in confusion, and her eyes started fluttering shut. Georgina reached into her pocket and pulled out her phone. She had to call Mrs. Nash… she would know what to do. She would talk her through it.

“May? May!” she called out as loud as she dared. “May, I don’t think you’re supposed to close your eyes.” She started crying. “May, please!”

Mrs. Nash wasn’t answering her phone… maybe Mr. Nash would? He was a firefighter… he would know what to do!

Still crying, Georgina reached over and pulled May’s phone out of her pocket, shuddering at the blood on it. She had never been more grateful that they had both shared passcodes with each other. With trembling fingers, she typed in the four-digit code and immediately began scrolling through her contacts. Bobby… that was his name.

_Ring!_

The gun wasn’t going off anymore; that was a good sign, right? Maybe someone had stopped the shooter!

_Ring!_

May’s eyes were fluttering shut again. Why hadn’t Mrs. Nash picked up? Why wasn’t Mr. Nash? May needed them!

_Ring!_

_“Hello, this is Bobby!”_

“Mr. Nash,” she sobbed into the phone. “Please, I don’t know what to do. May’s been shot, and I don’t know how to stop the bleeding!”

\---

Michael was pacing the floor of Bobby and Athena’s house while Bobby sat on the couch, staring down at his phone. He’d never seen Bobby look so helpless before.

Hell, he’d never felt this helpless before! He cared deeply for Athena, she would always be his best friend, and now she was missing. And this time a hammer to the fireplace wouldn’t solve the problem.

“How can you just sit there?” he finally demanded, turning to face Bobby again. “Shouldn’t you be out there… I don’t know, doing something?”

Bobby looked up at him, eyes wet. “Do what, Michael? What do you want me to do?”

“I don’t know,” Michael admitted.

“What,” Bobby got to his feet. “Should I drive around with a bullhorn, demanding to get my wife back? Is that what you want me to do?”

“I said I don’t know!” Michael snapped back. “I don’t do this sort of thing for a living! I don’t know what you can or can’t do when something like this happens!”

He slumped down against the wall, sliding down until he was sitting on the floor. Bobby joined him a moment later.

“You know,” Bobby said, “When she was attacked, I could hear everything that was happening to her. And then her gun went off, and the fighting stopped, and I thought she was dead. She was dead and I was too far away to get to her in time… I couldn’t help her.”

Michael looked over at him. “You never told me that before,” he said.

Bobby kept going. “We were driving over as fast as we could, and I thought I felt helpless then. I didn’t know…” he stopped, wiping his hand over his eyes. “I didn’t know how much worse it could be when I don’t even have somewhere to drive to.”

Michael shook his head, fighting back his own tears. “We just have to have faith in her; have faith that she’ll get herself home to us.”

The silence that settled over the two seemed so absolute that Michael jumped when Bobby’s phone rang.

“Well?” he asked. “Answer it!”

“It’s an unknown number…” Bobby whispered.

“It could be her, calling to tell us where she’s at!” Michael couldn’t believe Bobby was hesitating. “Come on, man, not picking it up won’t get us anywhere.”

Bobby hit the speaker button. “Hello, this is Bobby!”

Michael had thought the news of Athena had brought his world crashing down around him, but that was nothing compared to the atomic bomb of destruction the words on the other end of the line brought.

_“May’s been shot, and I don’t know how to stop the bleeding!”_

\---

_For most people, you fall in love, get married, and have a baby. But for a few, the order gets shuffled a little bit. Some people get married, have a baby, and then fall in love._

_Michael would only admit it years later, but that was the order it happened for him. He loved Athena as much as he could love any woman, but he never understood the true depths of what love could mean until the day he held that squalling baby girl in his arms for the first time._

_“Say hello to our baby girl,” he said, bending down and kissing Athena’s forehead before placing May in her arms. “You did good, mama.”_

_Athena smiled up at him for an instant, but when she took May in her arms, she only had eyes for the infant. Michael stared down at them; heart filled to bursting. Athena was shushing May, gently stroking one perfectly round cheek with her long elegant finger, singing a soft lullaby under her breath._

_Looking down at that precious baby, Michael made a promise; he was never going to let anything bad happen to her. May was his entire world, now._

\---

Michael stared aimlessly as another tear fell into the now-cold cup of coffee clasped between his hands. His baby girl was in surgery, the doctors working to remove a bullet from her precious body. A bullet he would have given anything to be able to take for her.

Bobby was seated in the chair next to him, and Michael knew he was probably worried for him… but he couldn’t bring himself to say anything. Not until he knew his baby girl was safe.

“Dad?”

Michael looked up; the 118 had arrived and brought Harry with them. Bobby had stood up to greet them, accepting a hug from Buck. Harry had run over to him, his young face worried.

“Dad, is May okay?”

Michael’s tongue felt thick inside his throat; the words weren’t coming out.

“She’s in surgery now, Harry,” Bobby said softly. “And from what I can tell, the doctors aren’t too worried.”

Michael closed his eyes, thankful for Bobby. Thankful that he was able to say the words Michael was too afraid to hope for.

“C’mere, Harry,” he called, setting his cup aside. Harry glanced at Bobby before running into Michael’s hug. Michael closed his eyes, treasuring the ability to hold his child close.

“Where’s mom? Shouldn’t she be here too?”

Oh god, they hadn’t told the kids yet. In his peripheral vision, he saw Bobby slump heavily into his chair again, one hand reaching up to wipe away his tears. His team was gathered around him, sympathy showing in all their faces.

Bobby couldn’t say the words this time. Michael had to say it to his son; tell him that on top of being worried for his sister, this might also be the day his mom doesn’t come home.

“Son, you know your mom’s job can be very dangerous,” he began.

“Yes…”

“I know I’ve talked to you about this, that maybe someday something might happen to your mom.”

“Nothing that bad could happen to mom! She’s too good at what she does!” Harry protested.

Michael bit back a wave of emotions. “I know we all like to think that, but it’s not always true. And today something might have happened to her.”

Harry took a step back, shaking his head in disbelief.

“We don’t know where she is. We’re hoping she’s still okay, but right now we just don’t know.”

Harry started to cry, and Michael pulled him in his arms. “Mom has to be okay,” Michael heard him say. “I… I didn’t tell her I loved her the last time I saw her. I told her I was too grown up for that.”

Michael squeezed him closer. “She knew, Harry.” He promised.

The soft sound of someone clearing their throat interrupted the moment. He looked up and saw a doctor in a long white coat standing in front of him.

“How… how is she?” He barely dared to hope.

“She’s out of surgery. Your daughter was very lucky, Mr. Grant,” the doctor said. The bullet lodged in the soft tissue of her lower back. She’ll be sore for a few days, and it will leave a nasty scar, but no permanent damage was done.”

Michael closed his eyes in gratitude and hugged Harry close to him again, barely noticing the joyful reactions from Bobby and the 118. He was still worried for Athena, but right now he was just grateful that his baby girl was going to be okay.

“Can we all go see her?” He asked, gesturing at the 118.

“I don’t want this big a crowd in there right now, she’s still a little groggy.”

Bobby stepped forward. “I’m May’s stepfather, I would like to see her.”

“Of course. If the three of you will follow me, she’s just down this way.

\---

Athena regained consciousness, and almost immediately regretted it. Her shoulder was throbbing in agony, and the heat in the container seemed even more stifling than it had earlier. In spite of the heat, she felt cold, although she wasn’t sure if it was from heat exhaustion or from loss of blood. The dim light in the shipping container hadn’t changed much, so either she hadn’t been out for long, or it was ‘tomorrow’ now, and she only had minutes to even attempt an escape.

She shook her head, trying to clear away some of the dizziness. The first thing she had to do was get out of these cuffs, get some freedom of movement. She felt around with her feet, hoping to find something she could use to pick the lock, but there was nothing on the floor except for dust and blood.

There was only one option then, and she had to take it before Frank and Amy came back… had to take it before she bled to death or died of heat stroke. She had barely enough room to maneuver, but she didn’t need much; just enough to…

_Crack!_

She bit back a harsh whimper as she broke her own thumb. She wasn’t out yet. Sliding a broken hand out of a cuff would almost be more painful than the act of breaking it was. She drew a deep breath and, on the exhale, slowly pulled her hand out of the cuff, fighting back tears of pain.

After what felt like years, her hand was finally free. She cradled it against her chest while using the uninjured hand to pull the gag out of her mouth. Now, to see if she could even stand.

The floor beneath her was slick with blood, but she gritted her teeth and pulled herself up, keeping herself on her feet through sheer force of will. She staggered over to the door; she hadn’t heard them lock it when they left, but that didn’t mean they hadn’t. Praying it would open Athena pushed into the door, but it remained obstinately closed. She gritted her teeth stubbornly. She had come this far, and her life was not going to end just because she couldn’t get through a door.

She stepped back, studying the door in the dim light. The shipping container was old and rusted. With luck, the hinges might be almost rusted through. With luck, she’d be able to break it down.

Athena took a deep breath, and flung herself against the door, trying to hold back a whimper of pain as the movement jarred the gaping hole in her shoulder. The door shook, and bits of rust fell to the ground. It was working.

She flung herself at the door again, trying to ignore the white-hot agony the movement reignited. Still more rust fluttered to the ground. She threw her full weight at it again, ignoring the fresh blood that began dripping down her side. A sliver of sunlight shone through into the dim container. One more shove, and Athena stumbled out into the hot California afternoon. There was no sign of Frank or Amy; it must still be ‘today’.

She swayed for a moment, trying to get her bearings, before staggering forward. She was too exhausted and in too much pain to think of anything but how much she wanted to get home; how much she just wanted to feel safe with Bobby’s arms wrapped around her.

\---

Buck sprawled out next to Eddie in his chair in the hospital waiting room. Maddie and Chim were sitting a few chairs down, her head resting on his shoulder. He hated this! Hated not being able to help his family, hated that Bobby was going through this. As if worrying about Athena wasn’t enough, he was also in the hospital worrying over May! No man should have that much on his plate!

“You okay, Buck?”

Buck tilted his head over and looked at Eddie. “What do you think?” he demanded.

He sat up and leaned over the arm of his chair, speaking just low enough that Maddie and Chim wouldn’t be able to hear him. “You told me earlier that I have a family. Well my family is hurting right now, and I can’t do a thing about it.”

He got up out of his chair and started pacing angrily in front of Eddie. “Right now, we’re the ones being left behind, but nobody is coming to tell us if Athena died alone or not because we don’t even know if she’s alive or dead!”

Eddie crossed his arms in front of his chest, listening as Buck ranted. “Maybe it’s a good thing that I don’t have somebody in my apartment to go home to!”

He’d said that last part a little louder than he meant to, and in his peripheral vision he saw Maddie lift her head from Chim’s shoulder. Chim grabbed her hand and shook his head slightly, and Maddie settled back down again, still watching Buck.

“You don’t actually mean that,” Eddie said.

Buck scowled for a moment before throwing his hands up. “Fine, I don’t!” he admitted, slumping back down into his chair again.

“Not being able to do something for the people I love is even harder than not being able to do something for strangers,” he admitted softly. “And I know, that’s obvious… that should be obvious. But it doesn’t make it any easier.”

“You know,” Eddie said, “Christopher said something to me yesterday. He said that I focus too much on the big important things, and not on the little important things.”

“What? Are you saying I’m doing the same thing?”

“No, you have the opposite problem.”

Buck squinted at Eddie, confused. “Huh?”

Eddie laughed. “I sometimes have the habit of carrying the entire world on my shoulders, but when you’re carrying that much the little important things tend to bounce off.” He leaned in and nudged Buck. “You’re the one who takes care of those.”

Buck looked away, not wanting to find comfort in what Eddie was saying, but Eddie kept talking. “It’s what’s so great about you, Buck. But it’s also why stuff like,” he gestured to their surroundings, “all of this gets to you so much.”

“That doesn’t make it any easier,” Buck said angrily.

“No, but it’s not your _failure_ ,” Eddie told him. “It’s your _strength_!”

Buck blinked back tears, swallowing a new wave of complicated emotions. He opened his mouth to say something, but was interrupted by Chim and Maddie jumping to their feet.

“Bobby!”

Buck followed Chim’s line of vision and saw Bobby walking down the hall towards them, his step lighter than it had been before.

“Is she okay?” Buck asked through the lump in his throat.

Bobby smiled. “She’s awake, she’s talking, and she asked me to go home and get some clean clothes for her, because the doctor says she can head out as soon as the paperwork goes through.” He shrugged, “And, well, Michael refuses to leave her side, so I’m errand boy now.”

“Hey, that’s fantastic!” Eddie exclaimed.

“She was really lucky,” Bobby told them.

Buck gave Bobby a hug, still not knowing quite what to say. He felt Bobby give an answering squeeze before Eddie pulled him off.

“While you go get May some clothes,” Eddie was saying, “Buck and I will go grab some coffee for everybody that actually tastes good. It’ll be here by the time you get back!”

\---

Bobby hesitated at his front door for a moment. He knew Athena wasn’t in there, but he wasn’t ready for how empty it would feel with her absence; without knowing if she would ever walk in there again.

After a moment he unlocked the door and walked in, fighting back another wave of tears as he did so. Right now, he just needed to focus on how thankful he was that May was okay. He grabbed a tote bag out of the closet before heading into May’s room, stuffing a couple of T-shirts and a pair of shorts inside. He was shutting May’s dresser drawer when he heard the front door open, banging heavily against the wall, followed by the sound of staggering footsteps. He rushed out of May’s room, hardly daring to hope.

His heart jumped in his throat when he saw Athena. She looked deathly pale, and her white shirt was covered in blood. “Bobby,” she moaned when she saw him.

Bobby leaped forward, catching her just as she collapsed, desperately feeling for a pulse. A faint pulse fluttered against his fingertips, so faint it was barely there. He quickly grabbed one of the T-shirts out of his bag and pressed it against a still-bleeding wound in Athena’s shoulder.

“Athena?” he called, “Athena, wake up! I’ve got you, Athena!”

Her head rolled as he laid her gently on the ground. “Come on, Athena… don’t do this to me!” he begged. Her lips were pale, and she was barely breathing.

He pulled his phone out, dialing 911 with one hand while applying pressure to the wound with another.

“911, what’s your emergency?”

“This is Bobby Nash, captain 118,” he said, setting the phone down and using both hands to apply pressure. “I need an RA unit over here now… my wife is bleeding out!”

The pressure wasn’t enough; the blood was still pouring from the wound, staining his hands and soaking May’s T-shirt. In the time it had taken him to call 911, her lips had turned blue. Was she still breathing? He couldn’t tell. 

“I’m losing her!” 

\---

Buck tapped the steering wheel impatiently as he and Eddie sat at a red light, Eddie holding a cup holder filled with several coffees in his lap. After a moment, he broke the silence.

“Thanks, by the way.”

Eddie looked over at him. “What?”

“For what you said in the hospital.” Buck shrugged. “I never really thought about it that way. I appreciate the perspective.”

Well, that is what best friends are supposed to be for,” Eddie laughed. “But I’m glad you appreciate it.”

The light turned green and Buck pulled forward, mulling over a complicated question.

Without warning, a semi-truck plowed into the side of his truck, spinning them around. His head slammed forward, hitting the steering wheel hard enough to break his nose. The world seemed to be moving in slow motion as his truck rolled, before finally coming to a stop.

Dazed, he looked over at Eddie. Then his entire world seemed to stop completely.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes tragedy can pull people apart.
> 
> But for the Fire Fam, tragedy only serves to bring them closer together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta'd by perfectlynervousbeard
> 
> Y'all, I'm so sorry this chapter took so long to get up, but life has been crazy. We're talking 8 1/2 hours at home between work shifts, we're talking about dealing with a massive apartment fire... so much has been going on. But it's finally done

Time seemed to be simultaneously moving both too fast and too slow for Bobby as he applied pressure to Athena’s shoulder wound. She had to be okay, she had to.

“Stay with me, Athena!” he begged, not even trying to fight the tears. “I can’t lose you!”

Where were the paramedics? It felt like he had been pressing May’s T-shirt against Athena’s wound for hours.

“Athena, please!”

Bobby’s head was reeling. Time had no meaning anymore. Nothing existed but the faint blue tinge of her lips, and the deep red staining her shirt, staining his hands, staining the floor.

“Stay with me!”

\---

“Eddie!” Buck screamed, desperately reaching out for his best friend, trying to get to him before it was too late, ignoring his own injuries.

“Buck,” Eddie gasped out. “Buck, I don’t...” he coughed, blood staining his lips.

“Eddie I’m pinned, I can’t get to you!”

Buck struggled to reach Eddie again, not caring about the pain as he pulled on aching ribs.

“I don’t think I’m gonna make it,” Eddie gasped out.

Buck fought back tears. “Of course, you are!”

“I’m a medic… I know… can’t be saved.”

Buck struggled harder. If he could just get to Eddie, put pressure on his injuries, stop the flow of blood, anything.

“Buck, promise me...”

“I’m not promising you anything, because you are getting out of here!”

“Promise you’ll take care of Christopher,” Eddie’s voice was so weak Buck could barely hear him. “You’re all he has left now.”

“I promise, I promise, but hold on Eddie!” Buck begged.

“You wanted… someone to come home to,” Buck could barely hear him anymore. “Now… you will.”

“Eddie, Christopher needs you too!” Buck reached out for Eddie, grabbing the tips of his fingers with his own. “We both need you!”

Eddie didn’t respond, he didn’t seem to be breathing.

“Eddie? _Eddie_!” Buck screamed through his tears. This couldn’t be happening; he didn’t just watch his best friend die!

He heard the familiar sound of a siren coming closer, but still he struggled to get to Eddie. He refused to believe it was too late.

“Eddie!”

“Sir, are you okay?”

Why was the paramedic talking to him? Didn’t he see Eddie? Didn’t he know that Buck was just fine, and that Eddie needed help.

“Sir, can you hear me?”

He didn’t matter, he was fine, only Eddie mattered. “Eddie!” he screamed.

Reality was swirling around him. Nothing existed except for Eddie, lying there still and bleeding and broken. Then suddenly he couldn’t see Eddie anymore, and was instead looking up at a bright sky.

“No…” he moaned. “Eddie…”

The sky overhead started moving before being replaced by the white ceiling of an ambulance.

“Eddie…”

The ceiling stopped moving above him, and buck felt a faint rumble as the ambulance started driving.

“I’m sorry, Eddie.”

Someone was talking to him, but he couldn’t hear them. Couldn’t hear anything other than the last promise Eddie had made him make.

“Christopher,” he slurred. “Oh Eddie, I promise.”

\---

Hen checked her phone for the thousandth time in the past five minutes, willing the bus to move faster. Chimney had called her as soon as they found out Athena had gone missing, and Hen had dropped everything to get back home, back to her team, her friends, her family. If will power alone could have gotten her home faster, she would have broken speed records.

Every new text from Chim felt like another punch to the gut. Everything was happening so fast; too fast. It felt like a nightmare she couldn’t wake up from. She had once prided herself on being someone who would always be there to help those who needed it, believed that she could always do it. Her dreams of becoming a doctor hadn’t changed that. But now, when her family needed her, she wasn’t even there.

When she finally arrived at the hospital, Chim and Maddie were alone in the waiting room. Chim’s eyes were wet and Maddie’s makeup was running down her face.

Hen didn’t even stop to ask for updates; she wrapped the two of them in a hug the moment she was close enough, her pent-up fear for her family bursting out as they all cried together.

“We’re all going to be okay,” she lied. “We’ve got each other; we’ll be okay.”

Her family was hurting and broken. Nothing would ever be okay again.

\---

Hen took a breath before stepping quietly into Athena’s hospital room. A heart monitor beeped quietly next to the bed Athena was sleeping in, and bags of blood were being fed into her through an IV. Her skin was pale, and her shoulder and hand were both bandaged, but at least she was alive.

Bobby didn’t turn when she walked in, although she wasn’t sure if it was because he couldn’t hear her or was just ignoring her. He was seated by Athena’s bed, clasping her un-bandaged hand between both of his, holding it just a breath away from his lips. He seemed to be praying.

“Bobby?” she called gently.

He looked up at her, and Hen’s heart caught in her throat. Once, it seemed like years ago now, with tears in his eyes and the smell of alcohol on his breath, he had asked for help. She hadn’t thought she would see him look more helpless than he had then. She was wrong.

“Hen,” he choked out. “You’re here.”

Hen pulled up a chair next to Bobby’s and sat down, wrapping one arm around his shoulders in a comforting hug. “I’m here, Bobby.”

He cleared his throat. “She’s been sleeping off and on, the doctor said that with the amount of blood she lost that’s pretty normal. The… the doctor said she lost over 40% of her blood.” He seemed to be trying to hold it together, trying to stay strong, but she could feel him trembling; she could see through his act.

“Hen,” tears started falling down Bobby’s cheeks. “She was bleeding too much… they had to do surgery on her to stop the bleeding.” Hen squeezed him tighter, but he didn’t turn towards her, didn’t let go of Athena’s hand. “She died on that table. She died, and I couldn’t do anything. For two and a half minutes, I lost her.”

Hen closed her eyes, fighting back her own tears. “But she didn’t stay dead,” she whispered gently. “You got her back.”

She felt Bobby shake his head. “She was back out in the field for two days, just _two days!_ That’s all it took to lose her.”

“Bobby…” Hen’s heart was breaking.

He kept going, “She said she was ready to go back out, and I wanted to respect her wishes; I really did. But she…” his voice was thick with tears. “She wouldn’t have died today if she was ready.”

Hen pulled away from him. “Bobby look at me.”

He bowed his head against Athena’s hand. Hen bit her lip in frustration before gently taking his face and turning it towards her. “Bobby, stop acting as if the doctors didn’t bring her back! She’s here, she’s alive, she made it home to you.”

He shook his head, turning back towards Athena. “I know, but I still can’t get past the fact that… that if I hadn’t been home when I was, we would have found her hours later, and it would have been too late.”

“But you _were_ there, Bobby! You got there in time. You need to hold on to that. Hold on to the fact that even though Athena can get herself into all kinds of trouble, there are _always_ people who have her back.”

“I couldn’t protect her.”

“That’s not your _job_ , Bobby!” Hen struggled to find the words, struggled to help Bobby understand. “You aren’t here to stop every bad thing from happening, you’re here to fix it when it does happen.”

Bobby didn’t say anything, so she kept going.

“It’s not your job to be the shield in front of her, stopping anything bad from coming her way. It’s to have her back when those bad things _do_ come her way.”

When Bobby still didn’t say anything, she wrapped her arm around his shoulders in a hug again. He had stopped trembling.

\---

Maddie paced the waiting area floor; back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. Chimney was sitting in one of the chairs, watching her.

She knew she should probably be planning what she would say, what she should say… she started pacing faster; moving faster helped give her the illusion that she wasn’t not able to do anything right now. The repetitive motion helped drown out the worries that echoed in her mind.

“Miss Buckley?”

She jumped. She hadn’t even heard the doctor walking up. “Yes?”

“Your brother is awake; he’s a little bit groggy, but you can go visit him.”

“Thank you.”

“Do you want me to go with you, Maddie?” Chim had walked over to stand next to her.

Maddie smiled at him, thankful to have him. “I do… but I also think Buck needs it to be just me.”

Chim nodded and held Maddie close for a moment before letting her follow the doctor to Buck’s hospital room.

The walk down the hallway to Buck’s room was both too long and too short. She needed to see him, needed to see for herself that he was okay. But she wasn’t ready for this conversation.

She took a deep breath before walking in. Buck was reclined back in the bed, his broken nose taped up, and his arm in a sling. To most people he might have looked sullen, but Maddie knew her brother. She knew he was fighting a losing battle not to cry.

“Hey Buck,” she whispered, walking up to him.

He turned his head towards her and a faint smile, so half-hearted it barely counted, crossed his face. “Hey Maddie.”

Maddie pulled up a chair and sat down. “How are you feeling?”

Buck shook his head. “Tell me the truth, Maddie.”

Maddie went cold. She wasn’t ready to answer this question. Wasn’t ready to confirm her little brother’s heartache.

“Is Eddie…” she saw him swallow. “Is he…”

She wasn’t going to make him say it, no matter how much it hurt her to have to answer the unspoken question. “He didn’t make it, Buck.” She reached out and took his hand. “He was gone by the time the first responders got there. He…” Maddie hesitated for a moment before continuing, “He took the brunt of that semi… they said he ended up with massive internal hemorrhaging. Even if they had gotten there sooner, there wasn’t anything they could have done.”

A tear slid down Buck’s cheek, and Maddie gently wiped it away.

“He… he knew it,” Buck choked out. “He knew he wasn’t coming home. He asked me to take care of Christopher for him. He made me promise.”

Maddie took a shaky breath as she watched Buck lose the fight against his emotions, watched the tears start falling in earnest. “It all happened so fast, Maddie. One minute everything was fine and I was going to tell him…” he looked away.

“You were going to tell him you had feelings for him?”

He looked up in surprise. “You knew?”

“I’m your big sister, Buck. I’m supposed to know these things.”

Buck turned his head away again, and Maddie let him cry silently for a moment. “He didn’t love me back, you know.”

Maddie frowned. “What?”

“Eddie… I waited so long to tell him because I knew he didn’t or couldn’t.” Buck shrugged. “Some people just aren’t wired that way, and Eddie is one of them.” Buck tore his hand out of Maddie’s grasp, roughly wiping away his tears. “I don’t need him to love me back,” he said angrily. “I just need him back, need him to be alive.”

Maddie looked away, not sure what to say; not sure how to comfort him.

“I shouldn’t have waited so long to tell him, should have let him know.”

Maddie’s eyes filled with tears. “Buck, I think he knew.”

“How could he?”

“Because he loved you back… at least as much as he could. Why else would he ask _you_ to take care of Christopher?”

Buck slammed his arm down on the bed angrily. “But I shouldn’t _have to_ take care of him! I should have been the one to die in that crash, not Eddie!”

Maddie was taken aback; she’d never seen Buck like this before.

“Eddie had people who depended on him, people who _needed_ him! I don’t!”

“Buck, stop this!” Maddie yelled. “Don’t talk like that!”

“It’s true!” the tears were streaming down Buck’s face now. “Everybody else had someone to go home to. I’m the expendable one!”

“Buck, stop!”

“All I am now is a poor substitute for Eddie.”

“Buck!”

He finally stopped talking and looked back at her. Maddie grabbed his hand and squeezed it tighter than she had ever squeezed anything before. “You are _not_ a substitute! You are the person Eddie trusted more than anybody in the _entire world!_ Christopher meant _everything_ to him, and he entrusted him to _you_! Doesn’t that say something about your worth?”

Buck closed his eyes. “It’s just so hard,” he whispered.

“I know it is, Buck. But you can get through this. Eddie is counting on you to get through this.”

She leaned over the bed, wrapping Buck in a hug. Buck turned his head and cried into her shoulder. “And you do have people other than Christopher who depend on you,” she whispered.

“Thanks, Maddie.”

\---

Bobby watched Athena as she took another bite of the hospital-approved meal in front of her, his heart wrenching when she winced slightly at her own movement.

“Are you sure I can’t help you with that?”

Athena glanced sideways at Bobby. “I am fully capable of feeding myself, Bobby,” she scolded, taking another bite of her soup.

“I just don’t want you to hurt yourself.”

“I said I’m _fine!”_ Athena snapped angrily. “I can take care of my own damn self!”

Bobby was silent for a moment, taken aback by Athena’s anger.

“Athena,” he said quietly. “If you need to talk, I’m right here.”

Tears came to Athena’s eyes at his words, and her anger seemed to evaporate.

“I’m scared, Bobby.” Her words were so quiet Bobby could barely hear them.

Athena set aside her food and reached out for his hand, squeezing it. Her grasp was weak, and Bobby pushed back another wave of worry. Weakness was normal after all she’d gone through. He gently cupped his other hand on top of hers.

“I’ve been so afraid,” her voice was shaking. “I was scared to go back to work, and I’m scared of my instincts being wrong and something happening again, but I’m even more scared that…” she paused, eyes wet with tears. Bobby lifted her hand to his lips and kissed it gently, silently encouraging her to keep going. “I was even more scared that my fear was going to keep me from doing my job, so I pretended I wasn’t scared. I pretended that, and I almost got myself killed. And when my family needed me… when May needed me… I wasn’t there.”

Bobby took a moment, fighting back his own tears before standing up and kissing her on the forehead, cupping her face with his hand. “Nobody blames you for that, Athena,” he said, gently thumbing away her tears.

“I do. I should have known better.”

“Known what? Known not to do everything you can to help someone? Athena, that’s who you are!”

Athena reached up and placed her hand on Bobby’s as he gently stroked her cheek with his thumb. He could feel her hand trembling.

“That’s what you do, you take care of people.”

“But I shouldn’t have been so afraid, and I shouldn’t have pretended I wasn’t.”

Bobby frowned slightly, wishing he knew what to say; wishing he could find the right words to comfort Athena with. He thought back to his conversation with Hen, and sent up a silent prayer of thanks. Hen always knew exactly what to say.

“It’s not your job not to be afraid,” he told Athena gently. “It’s your job to trust that you have people who will always have your back, that…” Bobby choked on his words, his emotions overwhelming him, “That _I_ will always have your back.”

He felt Athena nod against his hand. “Thank you, Bobby,” she whispered.

He smiled down at her. “I’ll even have your back when you’re home safe and sound with nothing to worry about.”

Her lips quirked into a smile. “I appreciate that.”

Bobby laughed softly, glad to have made her smile, leaning in to kiss her. Their kiss was gentle and soft, and Bobby reveled in it, content to see her, touch her, and know that she was alive.

\---

Athena closed her eyes, soaking in Bobby’s soft touch, the gentle warmth of his lips on hers. Everything wasn’t okay, but it was going to be. They would get through this together.

“Mom?”

At Harry’s call, Bobby pulled away from her to turn towards the door. Athena looked past him. Michael and the kids were standing just inside the door. May was sitting in a wheelchair, and Harry looked about ready to cry. Athena’s heart ached at the sight of May.

“Mom, you’re okay, right?” Harry asked.

She smiled warmly at him. “I’m okay, baby.”

She was surprised when he ran past Bobby and over to her bed, throwing his arms around her in a hug. She gasped slightly in pain as he jarred her shoulder.

“I love you mom,” he said into her uninjured shoulder.

“I love you too, baby.” She told him, wrapping him in a hug with her free arm.

“And you always know I love you, right mom?” Harry’s voice was trembling. “Even when I say I’m too grown up to say it?”

Athena glanced up at Michael, confused. He had tears in his eyes. “Of course, I know,” she told Harry.

Harry shifted, and Athena felt a soft kiss on her cheek. She closed her eyes and held him tighter, ignoring her throbbing shoulder. This moment, right here, holding her baby close, made all the fear and pain she had gone through worthwhile.

When she opened her eyes May had wheeled her chair closer to the bed. Athena fought back a wave of guilt at the sight of her. “How are you doing, May?”

Harry lifted his head off her shoulder and got off the bed, heading back to stand next to Michael.

May shrugged. “It was… really scary. But I’m okay.”

Athena reached out and took May’s hand. “I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you, baby.” She wanted to stay strong for May but didn’t have the strength to keep the tears from coming to her eyes. “I should have been there.”

“Mom…” May looked surprised. “This wasn’t your fault! It’s the fault of the asshole with the gun!”

Athena rubbed her thumb gently over May’s knuckles. “Well, part of my job as your mom is to be there when you get hurt, whether it’s a skinned knee or…” she hesitated, “Or a gunshot wound,” she finished quietly. Her veneer of strength was fading. She looked away from May, suddenly too ashamed to look her daughter in the eye.

“But you _were_ there for me, mom.”

Athena looked back at May, confused. “Baby, I…”

“Mom, I was so scared. I was cold, and Georgina was crying, and everything was too loud and moving too fast.” Tears were starting to fall down May’s cheeks. “But you taught me to be strong. And I held on to that. You taught me to fight even when I’m scared.”

Athena didn’t even try to stop the tears this time as her heart swelled with pride.

May was smiling through her own tears. “You were there, mom.”

\---

Buck stood anxiously in the middle of his apartment, waiting for Carla to drop off Christopher. Maddie had offered to come with him, but he’d said no; Christopher didn’t need an audience.

Finally, there was a knock on his door, but he was rooted to the spot. He wasn’t ready for this, wasn’t ready to tell Christopher that he would never see his daddy again.

“The door’s unlocked!” He managed to call out hoarsely.

The door opened and Christopher walked in, beaming. “Buuuuuuck!”

Buck swallowed back the lump in his throat, hoping that smile wouldn’t be wiped away forever. “Hey, buddy.”

Before he could even think beyond his hello, Carla was wrapping him in a warm hug. “I’m so sorry, baby,” she murmured. Buck was still too numb to return the hug. Carla pulled back and looked him in the eye. “I can stay here while you tell him, or I can leave. Whatever it is you need.”

Buck bit back tears, suddenly needing not to be alone. “Can you stay?” He whispered.

Carla nodded. “Why don’t you and Christopher talk on the couch, I’ll go get some coffee started.”

Christopher was already sitting on the couch when Buck turned towards him again. He took a breath and walked over, taking a seat next to him.

“What are we doin’ today, Buck?”

Buck bit down another wave of emotion. “Christopher, I need to tell you something really important.”

He didn’t remember much of the conversation itself, only the expressions on Christopher’s face. How that sunny smile slowly faded, how he began shifting away from Buck as much as he could. Buck hoped he was explaining it well, hoped Christopher understood how much his dad loved him. 

Christopher was silent when he finished.

“Are you okay there, buddy?”

Christopher reached for his crutches and got up off the couch, walking away from Buck.

“Christopher?”

Christopher carefully turned around. “I don’t love you anymore, Buck.”

“What?” Buck couldn’t breathe. 

“Whenever I love someone… they die. So, I don’t love you anymore.”

Buck looked up over Christopher’s head and caught Carla’s eye. She nodded to him slightly. He got up off the couch and knelt in front of Christopher. “Do you think they die _because_ you love them.”

“Yes.”

Buck wrapped his arms around Christopher, pulling him into a hug, ignoring his bruised ribs and sprained shoulder. “That’s not why they die, Chris,” he whispered. “Sometimes these things just happen.”

He heard Christopher start sniffling as he laid his head down on his shoulder. “Are you gonna die, Buck?”

Buck’s heart broke for the little boy in his arms. “I won’t die, buddy. I promise.”

He closed his eyes, imagining Eddie’s face, remembering his last request. “I promise,” he whispered to the ghost of his best friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is basically the end of the story. I'm trying to put together an epilogue of sorts to tie up a couple of loose threads among other things *cough*emotional funeral speech*cough*, but as mentioned in the notes at the top life has been insane, so that might take a few weeks.
> 
> Thank you to everybody who has read this and commented. And if you've made it down to these end notes, make my day and tell me what you think of this story (even if you hate my guts for writing it)


	6. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When all is said and done, sometimes all you can do is hold the people you love close to you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I didn't actually expect I'd get the chance to write this epilogue, hence why I made sure chapter five closed out the story (even if it left a couple of loose threads)! But then this epilgue just... happened. So now this story is well and truly done.
> 
> (plus it didn't feel right to end a tragic story like this without a show-esque monologue)
> 
> Beta'd by the wonderful perfectlynervousbeard

**_Sometimes life can take you by surprise. The hardest moments only happen when you least expect it._ **

Buck fought back a wave of tears, not wanting to look at the casket in front of him. He gently squeezed Christopher’s arm before standing up and walking to the front of the room. This wasn’t right… he shouldn’t be giving a eulogy for Eddie. Eddie deserved so much more than this.

He looked out at the crowd of people, most of the faces familiar, but some not. He caught Bobby’s eye and swallowed the lump in his throat at Bobby’s silent nod. Eddie deserved more, but he would give to him what he could.

“I never expected to be doing this today,” he began. “Eddie and I had planned on taking Christopher to the zoo.”

He shrugged. “That was the surprise we originally had planned for today.” He was glad he had a microphone; otherwise, he didn’t think anybody would be able to hear him. “But life had… different plans for us.”

**_Sometimes life knocks you down, and nobody can help you. And you find yourself stuck, helpless against everything bad that is happening. But as awful and cruel as life can be, as long as you can hold it tight and fight to keep it, there is always a chance for something good._ **

Athena sat in front of the TV, a glass of wine clenched in her hand, staring at Taylor Kelly’s familiar face, drinking in every word.

“I’m standing here in front of the place where LAPD Sergeant Athena Grant was held prisoner and almost killed by Frank and Amy O’Connor. If you look behind me, you can see the storage container that she was held in before her escape.”

Athena barely noticed when Bobby sat down next to her, wrapping a gentle arm around her, taking her free hand in his own.

“The incident launched an investigation into the couple, and the decapitated bodies of Elizabeth “Ellie” Benton and Jason Benton were found buried in their back yard.”

The image on the screen changed, and Athena’s body grew taught as she saw Frank. Bobby squeezed her hand gently, and she took a shaky sip of her wine.

“When he was questioned by police, Mr. O’Connor tried to explain his actions, saying that he was trying to prevent the ‘end of the world.’” Taylor continued in voiceover.

“They’re coming, I tell you! The kids were just the start of it!” Frank yelled at the camera. “It’s a virus that is driving everybody insane, turning them into blood-thirsty killers; turning them into zombies!”

“Mrs. O’Connor’s questioning revealed a similar mindset.”

“The kids tried to run away, tried to get help from my ex and my brother,” Amy said tearfully. “They didn’t understand what was going on. We had to save them before they turned into zombies too.”

Athena closed her eyes, trying to stop trembling. She felt Bobby take the glass of wine from her hand just before it fell from her senseless fingers. A gentle kiss was pressed against her temple, but the tension running through her didn’t let up.

Athena heard Taylor start talking again.

“The two were charged with four counts of murder and one count of abduction. Mr. O’Connor is additionally facing assault and battery charges for the actions taken against Sergeant Grant. Pending a psychological evaluation, they will either serve a double-life sentence in prison, or in a psych ward. For now, reporting live from LA, Taylor Kelly with Channel 8 News.”

The television turned off and Athena opened her eyes again, turning towards Bobby just as he tossed the remote away.

“Are you okay?” he asked softly.

She leaned into him, resting her head on his shoulder, finding comfort in his warmth as he held her close. “I will be,” she whispered.

**_When you’re feeling helpless, that little glimmer of hope is sometimes all you have, but it’s also sometimes all you need. It helps you find a way through the darkness. It teaches you to move forward through whatever tragedy you’re facing. It helps you find peace in the things that come after._ **

****

**_Sometimes the best gifts that life can give you come despite the darkness, despite the fear and pain, despite the tragedy. Sometimes a tragedy in one part of your life can bring healing to another._ **

Buck watched as Christopher worked to pull his pajamas on, smiling softly at him.

“Do you need help there, buddy?” he asked.

“I’ve got it, Buck!” Christopher protested, glancing up at him for a moment.

Buck laughed, putting his hands up in surrender. “Hey, I just thought I’d ask.”

Christopher pulled himself to his feet and sat down on the edge of his bed. Buck walked over and sat next to him.

“Hey, buddy… it’s been a really long day,” he said softly. “Do you want to talk about any of it?”

Christopher shook his head.

“Well, we can talk about it if you ever want to. You know that, right?”

Christopher nodded. Buck noticed tears in his eyes and fought back the lump in his throat. He didn’t know how to help Christopher. _“Eddie I need you,”_ he begged silently.

“You know your dad loved you, right?”

A tear slipped down Christopher’s cheek, but before Buck could reach out he rubbed his face in his sleeve, wiping away the tear.

“Dad reads to me before bed,” Christopher said softly as if Buck hadn’t said anything.

“Do you want me to read you something?” Buck asked.

Christopher pulled his feet up onto the bed and started pulling the covers back. Buck got up to give him room.

“No.” Christopher lay down on his pillow, and Buck leaned over, tucking him in.

“Sleep well, buddy.”

When Christopher didn’t respond Buck walked out, leaving the door open a crack behind him to let in the light from the hallway. He slumped down on the couch, finally letting the tears he had been holding back all day fall.

“I don’t know how to help him, Eddie,” he said out loud. “He needs you!”

He shook his head, feeling stupid. No amount of calling for Eddie’s ghost would bring him back. Eddie was gone, and there was nothing he could do about it. And no matter how much he didn’t feel up to the task, he had a promise to keep.

**_But sometimes, hurt just hurts. Sometimes there is no healing. Sometimes all you can do is wake up every day, acknowledge the hurt and the pain, and try to get through despite how helpless you really are._ **

Bobby held Athena close as they swayed together, dancing in the silence of their living room, finding solace in each other after the heartache of the funeral. He pressed a kiss into her hair, happy that she was safe and home and alive.

“It’s going to be odd in the firehouse without Eddie,” he said quietly.

She nodded against his shoulder. “A lot of things are going to be different now.”

They swayed together for a few more minutes before he felt her pull apart from their embrace. “We should probably stop acting so in love right now,” she laughed. “Harry at least probably won’t appreciate it when he comes in the door.”

He kept hold of her hand as she started pulling away. “Athena, the kids are with Michael tonight,” he said, confused.

She frowned, shaking her head slightly. “Oh, that’s right.” She smiled wryly up at him. “My head has been aching,” she explained. “I guess that made me forget.”

She put her hand up to her forehead and staggered slightly. Bobby frowned, his concern increasing. “Are you okay, Athena?”

“Dizzy,” she mumbled softly. “Just… just dizzy.”

“Here, why don’t you sit down for a minute,” Bobby said, leading her to the couch. He helped her sit down, fighting back a wave of fear. She was still recovering, having a dizzy spell after a long day was probably normal.

“Sit with me, Bobby,” Athena asked, not letting go of his hand. “I’ll feel better in a minute.”

Bobby sat down next to her, wrapping his arm around her as she rested her head on his shoulder. He pressed a kiss to her forehead. Recovery would be hard, but he would be there for her every step of the way.

**Author's Note:**

> If you made it all the way down to these final notes, leave me a comment and let me know how I did. Even just send an emoji that expresses what you're feeling at the exact moment you are reading this. 
> 
> Trivia:
> 
> The movie Josh referenced in chapter 2 was Paint Your Wagon. I recommend it exactly as much as Josh does
> 
> The 90s movie referenced in chapter 3 is Heart and Souls. Specifically the cause of the crash and Penny + her kids were a direct reference to the movie. Ironically, in the super cheesy/sugary/light-hearted romcom, Penny dies. And in my dark angsty fanfic, she lives. Go figure.
> 
> The ‘baby in the menagerie’ scenario is based on a true story, except the real life incident was even worse.
> 
> Frank and Amy are also based on a true story. Yes, there is legitimately a woman out there who (allegedly) murdered her kids because she thought they were zombies, which happened after a whole string of events that included her brother and ex-husband dying under mysterious circumstances. And the woman’s new bf (Frank’s inspiration) is like… in an end-of-the-world cult. So yes, the most ridiculous part of this fanfic is the part that’s actually real.


End file.
